Last year we learned about a cold
That you can’t tell if you’ve got
So the only logical thing to do
Is mandate a mystery shot
That does not stop the spreading
Or the catching of diseases
Because, after all, our liberty
Is whatever our overlord pleases.
Just because it caused a clot
That killed my uncle Stu
Doesn’t mean it isn’t something
Everyone must do!
So why not be a good little sheep
And get your Covid shot?
And if you do in the next 12 hours
We’ll give you some free pot!
Filed under Poems
Today is Friday night.
I’m with my darling wife.
We’re gonna have some crazy sex
‘Cause I am done with life.
Filed under Poems
In the future, little kids
Will visit their Grandma’s houses
And bring along 3D-printed candy
And all four of their spouses
And in between rounds of “Doom 35”
Grandma will tell the tale
Of how when she was a little boy
It was hip to say “epic fail.”
Filed under Poems
There are ten-quintillion insects
In the world, we estimate
Who deal daily with the fact
They’re objects of our hate.
They’ve never read a poem
And they’ve never seen a play
And we just go and murder them
As they go about their day.
Lots of people say things:
“Love your neighbor,” “Peace not war,”
But they don’t even bat an eye
When vacuuming their floor.
I think when we begin to care
For the welfare of bugs
Humanity will finally see
The real value of hugs.
Filed under Poems
Just because his name is Curtis
Doesn’t mean that he is curt.
Just because her name is Cindy
Doesn’t mean that she’s a sinner.
Just because my name is Dick
Doesn’t mean I feelings hurt.
Now where, my wifey dearest,
Is my mother****ing dinner?
Filed under Poems
Whenever Italy gets attacked
Someone must fell Rome,
Someone conquers Cicily,
Burns a Venetian home…
Yes, in an Italian conquest
These sackings are the staples
But a satisfying extra
Is somebody licked their Naples.
Filed under Poems
I know I need to be humble,
To be a non-judgmental guy,
But if I said that was easy
What I say would be a lie.
The fact of the matter is I am just
Incredible, without a doubt
To the point where the lesbians love me
And the straightest of men will come out.
When I step out of bed in the morning
The sun is ashamed to be seen
Because how can a glorious light like that
Compare to me? Know what I mean?
So yes, in my mind I’m aware
That humility would serve me well
So I offer my prayers to Heaven…
The same Heaven from which I fell ; )
Filed under Poems
I think the moon is angry
(An observation and a warning)
Because everyone says “Goodnight Moon”
But they never say “Good morning.”
Filed under Poems
When you refuse my kiss
I feel something’s amiss.
When you deny my peck
I think “What the heck?”
When you dodge my caress
I feel some duress.
When you deny being osculated
I feel emosculated.
Filed under Poems
The Daily Travesty 