Tag Archives: Travesty

February 13, 2019 · 3:58 pm

A Poetical Update/Cry For Help

As I was reading through my blog

Upon this snowy day

I realized there’s lots of posts

That, by default, went away.

There are two-thousand-something poems

That I’ve written on this site

And to have them be forgotten

Just really isn’t right.

I looked into solutions

But to add a button here

To send you to a random post

Costs $600 a year (Seriously WordPress? Seriously?)

So my solution to preserve

Those posts into which I put thought

Is to compile a book that’s bigger

Than the books you’ve already bought. (Hint hint)

So a thing that I am wondering

About my biggest-book-yet dream

Is whether to just compile stuff

Or whether to have a theme.

And here’s the part where you come in:

Please help me make you happy

By commenting or emailing me

Advice to make the book less crappy…

Is an omnibus of random poems

With my thoughts added enough

Or do you want a theme again

With more never-published stuff?

And if, of course, you don’t reply

I’ll just decide myself

But I’ll make the cover aubergine

So it looks weird on your shelf 🙂

Comments welcomed on the site, or emailed to thedailytravesty@yahoo.com

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February 12, 2019 · 8:04 pm

Honesty

I used to be wealthy, handsome, and brave.

I used to be known as whom all women crave.

I used to be humble, witty, and wise

But then I stopped speaking in nothing but lies.

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February 11, 2019 · 7:32 pm

Why English Is Hard

How do you pronounce vapid,

Plein air, eschew, or bow?

Then when you factor in typoes

You really never now.

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February 10, 2019 · 6:14 pm

Life In Washington State

Two inches of snow

Means schools are closed tomorrow.

Colorado laughs.

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February 9, 2019 · 8:03 pm

Socialism: Free Trial Edition

If you’re tired of Trump

Then make the jump

To sunny Venezuela!

There you can shirk

And do no work

And the socialist state will pay ya!

You’ll save so much money

It isn’t funny

‘Cause there’s nothing for sale to buy

So if you bite your thumb

‘Cause there’s no food to bum

You can tell South America “hi.”

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February 8, 2019 · 4:09 pm

AI Writes A Country Song

Today I’m bored and kinda tired,

For sure not feeling too inspired,

So a thought emerged within my head:

Let robots do my job instead!

So I was nit at all upset

When a robot said “I can write a rhyming couplet.”

I said “write me a country song,”

And here’s the poem that came along:

——————————————————–

See the hightailing of the cowboy,
I think he’s angry at the ahoy.

He finds it hard to see the horse,
Overshadowed by the rainy field of force.

Who is that yodeling near the saddle?
I think she’d like to eat the cattle.

She is but a rural addition,
Admired as she sits upon a position.

Her leather car is just a beer,
It needs no gas, it runs on steer.

She’s not alone she brings a dog,
a pet dog, and lots of parts catalogue.

The dog likes to chase a truck,
Especially one that’s in the dabbling duck.

The cowboy shudders at the country gun
He want to leave but she wants the bun.

——————————————————–

The poem’s bad, and I think it’s neat

That I am not yet obsolete.

Sure, technology is fun

But robots 0, human 1.

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February 7, 2019 · 8:14 pm

Dear Washington…

Those who take the roles

Of conducting political polls

Should receive an MD

In proctology

For their research in helping assholes.

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February 6, 2019 · 7:49 pm

The Last Jedi’s Valentine

A dozen roses can show your love

If flowers are what your love adores

But if you send a Rose Tico

You might accidentally kill Star Wars.

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February 5, 2019 · 7:28 pm

Guest Poem By Michael Bay

There once was a musclebound maverick

Who lived on a houseboat back east

Whose hobby was arm-wrestling pythons

And whose fingers’ tattoos spelled out “B.E.A.S.T.”

A menace that threatened America

Made the president call him to arms.

Then there was a gratuitous explosion

And a lot of red flashing alarms.

So Maverick emerged from retirement,

Shook hands with some buddies from ‘Nam

Then one more gratuitous explosion

This time from a nuclear bomb.

A scantily clad 20-something

Kissed Maverick and gave him a knife

After which he confronted the menace,

There was a gratuitous explosion…

Thus endeth the big bad guy’s life.

Somewhere in there’s a Bugatti

And a shirtless training montage.

You might think this doesn’t make sense,

Thus explosions and décolletage.

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February 4, 2019 · 10:29 am

How To Write A Superbowl Ad

You start out with a robot

That’s been made with CGI

Who says one beer is best

With no compelling reason why.

Next you strip the advertisement

Of anything resembling humor

So you don’t provoke the many

With an “I’m Offended” tumor.

Then say “We love social justice

“So you should buy our calamari”

With the sincerity of a five-year-old

When they’re forced to say “I’m sorry.”

The result’s an advertisement

To appeal to a mob

That hates all corporations

But still needs them for their job.

I hope next year’s Sportsball expo

Doesn’t try to be so “woke”

And the 2020 vegans

Are prepared to take a joke.

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