Category Archives: Poems

Sometimes Life Comes First

Tonight I’m with my beloved girl

So la-dee-da and goodbye worl’ (d).

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Apple: Unreasonable Prices For Overrated Perks Since Day 8

There once was a serpent, who hissed

“Hey woman, don’t you feel pissed?

“Here’s some fruit; have a bite!”

And the girl said, “Alright”

And now the world’s all like… well, this!

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One Day

How often do people say

“There aren’t enough hours in a day”?

But imagine a moment there were:

Picture a day with unlimited hours

For the sweetest of meals and the hottest of showers,

A day without limits of what you can learn,

How hard you can play, how much you can earn,

A day you can retry as much as you like;

You can say something stupid or fall off your bike

Without any fear, any anger or sorrow

Because all who saw you are now in tomorrow

While you’re still enjoying a day with no end

Side by side with a lover, a parent, a friend.

Now what if this day that went on and on

Had many an evening and many a dawn

And seasons and fashions pass by as you walk

At a slow, steady pace with no thought of a clock,

And you had sunny weather and hail and snow

And famine and fortune and high things and low?

That day went so long you were gray in the hair

And your skin started sagging and you’re just halfway there

To the end of a day with no finish in sight,

Growing old, doing good, all the while feeling right.

You remember a detail you knew all along

About what will come when the long day is gone:

When you see the last touchdown and rise of the sun

You’ll not shed a tear that you only got one;

You’ll feel no envy for those who keep going

Because this whole day, your whole life, you’ve lived knowing

You have all the time you will need, so you say

“Thank you for a life lasting only one day.”

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Guess Who’s Done With Nerd School?

IDK about IP,

If DSL allows VoiP,

Or if I’ll get PTSD

From studying about IT.

IDC I got a B…

I still got a BS Degree

Now I can sit and watch TV

And feel no burning when I pee.

IDGAF about

Telnet, USB, or a SaaS cloud.

All that is behind me now,

Like CD Rom and WoW.

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Leaving Something To The Imagination?

There once was a Florida man

Who owned a white messenger van.

You can picture I bet

How weird that could get

And we didn’t even mention his tan…

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This Would Be A Perfect Dance Anthem, Because It’s Fun And Rhythmic But The Words Are Stupid

Somedays I think that people stink;

They’re lazy and they’re rude.

Then I remind myself their kind

Makes all the tasty food,

And so I sniff and get a whiff

Of B.O. and lemonade…

When life gives you lemons, you need to demons

trate that it’s not a bad trade.

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Forget “Hope”, “Faith”, “Joy”… Give Me a Good Name!

We’re all human, the same flesh and blood,

And our brains all work the dame way,

But some people think that a child named Dink

Is perfectly fine and okay

While others are Henry for 12 generations

And some are named Diogenese

And yet never in history has someone had

A child named “Delicious Melty Cheese.”

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And So The Cycle Continues

Not enough poems are written

About the legendary Scott:

We would remedy this, except

Of what he did, we knowest not.

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I WOULD RATHER GIVE SATAN’S PET PORCUPINE A BLOWJOB THAN HAVE FRONTIER INTERNET ONE MORE SECOND

Right now it’s been 21 minutes

Since I started loading my homework

And the first question still hasn’t loaded.

I imagine sometime in the future

When the sun is a distant memory

And perhaps the whole universe has imploded

I’ll finally look at my laptop

And see “Question 1 of 16”

Blinking at me from the shadows of collapsing stars…

Well, it’s been seven more minutes

Since I started writing this poem

So thank goodness my Wifi says I have three bars!

Edit: It’s Viasat, actually. (This is the Upgrade from Frontier. Leave none alive)

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Thus, Jeff Was Born

I like to imagine that somebody said

“I’m naming my child Cheff

“‘Cause that’s the sound a choo choo makes

“When played in super high def.”

Then their friend said, “Yeah, Cheff sounds cool

“But what if the first syllable

“Sounded like a French librarian

“Trying to shush people into a lull?”

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