I played a 30-turn Mario Party.
It made my wife tired and made our cat farty.
I won via stealing three stars from my wife
And that is why I’m satisfied with my life.
When The Kamala Voters Go On a “Sex Strike”
The Donald got elected
And that makes me so depressed
‘Cause now I can’t go out at night
Wearing my Sunday best
To hit on green-haired feminists
Who think that I am Satan.
Oh well, I have my freedom
And more time for masturbatin’.
Filed under Poems
Does That Make Me A Hipster?
We’ve invented machines to play games
That run at 60 frames
Every second, but I
Prefer to play my
Pinball machine with the flames.
Filed under Poems
If At First You Don’t Succeed…
There twice was an unlikeable chick
Who expressed her detractors were “Ick”.
She lost to a man
With a very fake tan
And I’m not opposed to the schtick.
Filed under Poems
What Really Matters
‘Teas the night of the election
And all round the world
All the people were asking
“Why’d they kill the poor squirrel?”
Filed under Poems
Glue: Origins
There once was a dude so tough
That he grabbed a horse by the scruff
And then used extreme heat
To melt horsey’s feet
Just so he could stick paper to stuff.
Filed under Poems
Dear Every Channel Today, Apparently…
If you feel the need to change our minds
Two days before our votes are cast
I suggest that your campaign was crap
And the time for changing minds has passed.
Filed under Poems
When You’re Sick Of Moderation, So You Let The CCP Do It For You
Have you heard about Tiananmen Square?
Well, in case you weren’t aware
China did some bad stuff.
I hope this limerick’s enough
To get Chinese spammers out of my hair.
Filed under Poems
Privilege
To be born at disadvantage
Is a blessing many lack,
For the many born with health or wealth
Will each forever lack
The chance to earn their happiness
Through overcoming trials.
They’ll only know resenment
In their peers’ flattering smiles.
But those who overcome their birth
Achieve both admiration
And strength of will and character
From their determination.
Why would you trade your only chance
At your heroic rise
For merely money undeserved
From people you despise?
Why not become the person
Who you worshipped as a child?
If you reject the spice of life
Your pleasures will be mild.
Instead of playing victim
In your one and only shot
Recast yourself as victor
And pursue the life you’ve got.
Filed under Poems
Who’s Stopping You?
Once upon a time
My default face was smiling
Under burden of conformity
To the status of “not bad”.
In that far off kingdom
My heart was reconciling
My duty to the status quo
And the feelings that I had.
A princess in a tower
Which was formed of graying stone
And tasked with daily maintenance
Of contentment with conviction.
The dragon tasked with guarding me
Was a creation of my own
And the “fines” and “goods” I murmured
Masked my inner benediction.
Once upon a time
I let my default smile fade
And the gray stone tower crumbled
And I bade the dragon eat me
But without the need for outer peace
My boldness was repaid
And I found the dragon of my mind
Had no strength to defeat me.
The kingdom of the “good enough”
Is a fairy tale now.
My default face is smiling
But my smile is not a scam.
I smile as a person who
No longer wonders “how”,
Who smiles not to inoffend
But because of who I am.
Filed under Poems
The Daily Travesty 