I think a good name for a dog
Is “Help”
Because when you call after it
Other people look at you
And some of those lookers
Are rich and/or sexy
And enjoy the company
Of cheekily named dogs
And their owners…
Just sayin’.
Tag Archives: Love
And I Realize I Should Have Forwarded Those Chain Emails After All
I stand atop the rocky cliff
Above the salty ocean blue
And shout to myself “how lovely
“And beautiful are you!”
I stand atop the rocky shore
Above the crashing waves below
And my echo calls back softly
“Whoa now! Let’s take this slow.”
Filed under Poems
They Probably Met Online
Sharp and cold’s the flashing rain
Upon my black umbrella
Which I relinquish happily
Unto my new love, Stella.
Now her springtime golden tress
Is dry as my nervous mouth
For my journey takes me northward
While she vacantly looks south.
I stammer “what’s your number?”
As an adolescent might,
And I’ll never forget her eyes,
Dark blue just like the night.
“First you give me this thing,”
She says towards my umbrella,
“Then follow me for blocks
“Like I’m some sort of Cinderella?
“I won’t give you my number
“And I beg you, leave me be!”
Then she closed my umbrella
And thrust it into me.
And in that painful moment,
Twice breathless made am I
For my heart says “Dude, she saw you!”
Though my gut tells me to cry.
Thus as my tears join eagerly
The gutter’s growing moat
I wish her path be free of puddles
For I cannot lay down my coat.
Filed under Poems
What Is Love? (Baby Don’t Hurt Me)
I inquired wherein
Lies the essence of love
As succinctly as I could
Whereupon my darling
Pummeled me
With a block of solid wood.
With a term of endearment
Once I begged
Then, without it, begged once more.
But while she had a way
I had only strength
To finish thus: No more!
Filed under Poems
Hey Girl! Check Out My MPGs
I’m the Rolls Royce of romance,
The Lamborghini of love,
The Audi of ardor
And the driver thereof.
I’m a Bentley of bravery.
You’re a Cadillac cutie.
Alas I’m the Smart Car
Of wealth, status, and beauty.
Filed under Poems
Never Date A “Journalist”
I said “I can’t go dancing
Because of Plantar’s Fasciitis.”
She said “isn’t that when gardeners
Vote for Trump just to spite us?”
I laughed a bit too much I guess.
I thought it was just banter.
Now I’m mocked on Buzzfeed
For being a fascist planter.
Filed under Poems
Well, It’s Skinny, White, And Smells Good (If That’s Your Type)
I think a dentist’s love
For dental floss is overstated.
I mean, sure, it cleans your teeth
But would you really want to date it?
—————————————————–
Unsatisfied with today’s love poem?
So was my last girlfriend.
Unlike her, you can inspire me to create something valuable and non-toxic by checking out my Patreon
Also Marvin, if you ever become a woman again, call me!
Filed under Poems
Was That A Buzz? Could Be Important…
Smell the golden ocean’s breeze,
See the twinkling distant shore.
The flashing red of car brakes
Shine like Christmas at sunset.
The city’s sound is footsteps
On a snowy concrete floor.
And in that eternal moment
Life’s as good as it can get.
The Gods look down in wonder
From wherever they may be
And the windy shaking cedars
Loose a low ecstatic moan.
And in that time and space is love
For all the world to see
Except for all the people
Who think “I should check my phone.”
Filed under Poems
It’s Hard To Express Affection Sometimes
My love for you’s beyond that
Which human words can express,
But if I had to make a word
Then… let me think… I guess
It would sound somewhat like
The sound a beaver makes
When it stops chewing tree bark
And moves to eating rakes.
Filed under Poems
George R.R. Martin Haikus
Tiny perfect love
Harmless as the falling snow…
Let’s murder it! Lol
——————————————————–
If your life is bland
Even though you’re rich and stuff
Why not try incest?
——————————————————–
I like stories where
Characters have twelve names each.
Maybe that’s just me…
