I met her on the corner
Somewhere ’round midnight
She wore next to nothing
And held a red light.
She said “it’s $100 an hour”
Just so you know.
I gave her a dime
And said “guess I’ll go slow.”
Tag Archives: Men
The Stakes Are Low And The Cakes Are Dry
I baked a cake in the microwave,
Forgot my keys, chose not to shave.
I wore white jeans after labor day
And yet somehow I’m still okay.
I woke up at 6:00 and stayed in bed ’til noon,
Thinking both times were a bit too soon.
I left dishes in the sink and clothes on the line
Yet somehow the world turned out just fine.
I freudian-slipped that Rosebud was a sled
And nobody minded or ended up dead.
I’ve done this and more and I won’t lie:
It’s great to be a single guy!
Filed under Poems
Romance, California Style
It may have been love
If that’s what you call it,
‘Cause I liked her tits
And she liked my wallet.
As it turned out later
Hers and mine were both fake
But we both loosed our hair buns
And took what we could take.
Filed under Poems
Dragons > National Debt
A princess was stolen by dragons
Some hundreds of eons ago
And instead of waiting to be slain
The dragons just stir-fried the hoe.
The kingdom saved money on dresses
And a new sense of peace was acquired.
The dragons had balls, which meant
That dancing at balls ain’t required.
The knights stopped jousting each other
For no prizes were there to be won,
And the taxes went down, people made fewer gowns,
And the populace had lots of fun.
When you don’t have to pay for a princess
How happy the white knights can get.
The only downside is the dragons
Whose tummies have gotten upset.
Apparently Pearls And Swine Are Equal
A feminist told me
“All men are pigs!”
And I almost took some offense.
Then another told me
“Men and women are equal.”
Now the first woman’s making more sense.
Filed under Poems
Dating A 30-Year-Old
You ask will I love you
When you’re not a young lass,
When your hair’s gray and saggy
And so is your ass,
When the passion is gone
And the money is thin
And everything hurts
‘Neath our wrinkly skin.
Our hands come together
And I look straight at you.
“Of course I will darling!
“I already do.”
Filed under Poems
Life Without Makeup
Chapped lips, dry skin,
Hair without a bobby pin,
Baggy pants, hairy pits,
A shirt that hides any sign of tits,
Spotty face, mustache line,
Eau de toilette called “big ass pine,”
A house that others call a sty:
Just another great day of being a guy!
Filed under Poems
Lullaby For A Cynical Man-Child
Grizzly bear
Sitting there
Playing with
My ex-wife’s hair.
He seems happy.
She seems dead.
Yes I’m morbid.
Now, off to bed.
Filed under Poems
The Daily Travesty 