So I hear there’s a hurricane
Headed for Florida.
Under most circumstances
That’s a thing I’d abhor-ida
But it’s postponed the game
‘Tween the Dolphins and Rays
So my fantasy matchup is easier
Which deserves a few “yays.”
Tag Archives: Poetry
Dreams and Wheel-ality
Sometimes I feel
Like part of a wheel,
Like one of the spokes so to speak.
That’s how you know’m a
Guy in a coma
And I haven’t woken for weeks.
Filed under Poems
But If It Were Traveling At 4 Miles Per Hour For 12 Minutes How Far Apart Were The Hay Bales?
Once there was some type of snake,
A cobra, asp, or adder.
Since the story’s fictional
It really doesn’t matter.
This adder, I’ve decided,
Was in a farm one day
Sliding its limbless body
Between two bales of hay.
The snake was not observant
And it failed to look both ways.
‘Twas run over by the farmer.
And thus ended its days.
So when the adder rendez-voused
With its rural malefactor
We can say the adder
Suddenly became sub-tractor.
Filed under Poems
Pokemon
A pyromaniacal lizard,
A grand aquatic turtle,
A plant-infested dinosaur
Walk into a bar.
Some ten-yeard-olds
Go on a quest with them.
It’s worked out well so far.
Filed under Poems
Hard Hypotheticals
If I could clone myself
And make an evil twin
I probably wouldn’t.
But somewhere out there
The guy whose evil twin
Would’ve killed Hitler
Is regretting his choice
Not to make an evil clone.
Now I’m doubting my decision…
Filed under Poems
Rodin’s “The Age Of Bronze” Talks About His Career Change
I am a person made of bronze,
Carved from orangish metal.
My body looks so human
But I’m closer to a kettle.
I’ll never move, I’ll never speak,
I’ll never love or feel.
I’ll never be a human,
But I’m absolutely real.
I’ll never learn of math or art.
I’ll never know a fact.
I’ll have no skills in anything,
So I guess I’ll have to act.
My body’s perfect, ageless, strong
Although I can’t be dumber
And thus I’ve come to Hollywood,
Renamed “The Up-And-Comer.”
Filed under Poems
Political Commentary < Forced Cheese Puns
When all was young
In the beginning
There was a big cheese
And we called it a king.
But the cheese was too big
For the peasants’ humble stomachs.
Though they had many plans
The situation continued to flummox.
So they cut up the king,
(Figuratively, of course)
And imposed their own rule
Through riot-based force.
Instead of a king
Who can do as he pleases
They had a republic
Of many smaller cheeses.
Yes, the peasants were the first
Of the modern free-staters.
They made cheeses smaller
And, thus, the cheese grater.
Filed under Poems
Thanks Evil Empire!
I went to a church
Not confident one bit
About appropriate places
For me to sit.
Then a stormtrooper came
And yelled “pew, pew, pew!”
I am so very grateful
That now I know what to do!
Filed under Poems
Something’s Fishy… And Also Gummy
If you teach men to fish
You’ll feed them forever,
But I find that sometimes
It’s a fruitless endeavor.
I taught fishing in Sweden
But to my dismay
They were still eating candy
The very next day.
Filed under Poems
Apocalypse? Not Now!
Apocalypse’s horsemen
Were riding home one night
When the BMW of depression
Passed them on the right.
“I think we’re now outdated,”
Said Famine to his peers
So they let the horses loose
And went out to get some beers.
The horses ran to far off lands
Where they could eternally play,
And some lucky Harley-Davidson salesman
Got four new customers today.
Filed under Poems
