If you’re in Puerto Rico
And don’t know how to speako
Know this: The inglés
Is not spoke in the place
And they’ll probably think you’re a freako.
Tag Archives: Postaday
Goliath Is Overrated
What if you were the Ocean,
The giver of life?
The sun in the sky,
The opponent of strife?
How ’bout Abraham Lincoln,
The breaker of chains,
Or the guy who made aspirin,
Reliever of pain?
If you were a titan,
A hero to all
Would you waste your own life
‘Cause today you feel small?
So why open that bottle
Or play Russian Roulette
Just ’cause your inner titan
Hasn’t changed the world yet?
And if, on the off chance
You’re the non-titan type
You still have good reasons
To live without gripe:
Many a diamond
Began life as mere coal
And the smallest of molehills
Means the world to its mole.
Every flower must bloom,
Every river must flow.
It takes millions of light years
To see a star’s glow,
And your non-titan life
Is a life nonetheless.
Whose molehill will you be?
That’s anyone’s guess.
Filed under Poems
Bye Bye Wings
A fly was buzzing around my head.
It drove me up the wall!
I took away its Red Bull
And now it’s just a crawl.
Filed under Poems
Thanks “Kingdom of the Crystal Skull”
If you ever write a story
And don’t know what’s going on
Just say that there were aliens
And your plot holes will be gone!
Monopoly
You all begin by passing “go,”
But who will win we don’t yet know.
You buy land with childish glee
Wherever two dice should decree.
This play continues for a while
And all the players wear a smile
Until the property is bought.
Then the game changes a lot.
Instead of paying endless rent
It pays to be of criminal bent
And spend a couple turns in jail
Before you pay a $50 bail.
But at this point the odds are high
That you know who is the guy
Who’ll win the game when all is done.
At this point it’s no longer fun.
But do you stop when joy is gone?
No! No! No! You carry on!
When bankrupt are the car and shoe,
The thimble’s dead and so are you
So ends the game, and that is when
The winner says “Let’s play again!”
Then you and the losers, at your behest
Punch the winner in his community chest.
Through the pain he says “Tsk, tsk.
“Then how about a game of Risk?”
Filed under Poems
Tonight Both Actually Apply
Sometimes I love writing poems;
Of that there is no doubt.
But sometimes I’m like a single mom on welfare
Just tryin’ to crank another one out.
Filed under Poems
Mad Libs: Nature’s Gift To Difficult-To-Rhyme Words
Their humor’s derived
From the cognitive dissonance
From grammatical consistency
Despite nonsensical words.
Some think they’re contrived,
But some say they’re ____________.
I think they’re _____________
But then again I like nerds.
Advice To Passive-Aggressive Discussers Of All Things Political
Instead of intelligent conjecture
Or giving your opponent a lecture…
Just say “Hitler was right”
And boom! Have a fight.
Filed under Poems
Another Once-Great Species Ruined
There once was an African lion
Who was handsome and noble and clever.
He wanted his head to be put on a wall
So he could be admired forever.
Alas, some American vegans
Made a law that to hunt him was banned
So know he stays home in the evenings
And watches MGM films on demand.
Filed under Poems
The Daily Travesty 