My urine is made of pure oxygen
Because of a disease that’s rare.
It’s not that bad except for the fact
That my parents called me “Pierre.”
Tag Archives: Puns
Dating Asian Women?
My girlfriend left me yesterday,
Just took her stuff and went,
Yet left behind a little gift
For her now former-gent.
She left a bottle of soy sauce,
My sorrows for to drown.
She just could not resist the urge
To Kikkoman when he’s down.
Perhaps The Most Elaborate Pun Yet…
I want a sci-fi movie
With a lisping protagonist
Who steals bladed weapons
From a man who reshaped a board.
The reason why is simply
I want them to beat the antagonist
Not with a light saber
But with a lather’s sword.
Filed under Poems
And Who’s This Floyd Guy Anyway?
We could talk about the ego,
Super-ego, or the id
But I don’t think that does justice
To the amazing things Freud did.
Anyone can acknowledge
That people’s brains are weird,
Have a couch to lie on,
Or grow a snazzy beard,
But how many psychiatrists
Can also play guitar
Like Dr. Sigmund “Pink” Freud did?
That guy was quite a star!
Filed under Poems
‘Ow Ore-ible!
I said I was her rock,
Her anchor, her wall.
She sold me to a mining company.
Alas, that is all.
Filed under Poems
But It Makes One Bicep Look Bigger…
Some of you may believe
That I wear my heart on my sleeve
As a matter of choice,
But don’t heed that voice.
There was a surgeon who’s since taken his leave…
Filed under Poems
That’s Pronounced “She-it”
Apparently my teachers were wrong
And there aren’t boys and girls.
Turns out gender is “representational,”
Or so the new story unfurls.
Seeing that sex doesn’t matter
To whether you’re he, she, or other
I think we need a singular pronoun
That applies equally to one another.
In the past we were male and female
And likewise called he or she.
Apparently the gender-neutral
Is also important, so they tell me.
So I have an unbiased option
To represent them, me, and you:
We can just say humans are SHeIt.
It has all three pronouns, and also is true!
Filed under Poems
Rape Culture?
I was the star of my football team
Through high school and beyond.
I was six-foot four, 400 pounds…
When I walked I shook the floor.
When I got to college
I tried out for the offensive line
But apparently “make me a sandwich”
Had been used, and I was declined.
I dieted, I exercised,
I worked both day and night.
I dropped to a mere 250 pounds
And practiced catching right.
I came back my sophomore year
And became the team’s tight end.
I got a jersey and a girlfriend.
I thought my life was on the mend.
But, through football player logic,
I thought some heads needed a dent.
The police disagreed with me
So off to jail I went.
Now four years later I return,
No longer a brawler or deceiver.
You may go to jail a tight end
But you return a wide receiver.
Filed under Poems
And That Is Why Some People Shouldn’t Have Dragons…
If I get a pet dragon
(For business or for kicks)
I’ll hide it in my dungeon
And prob’ly call it Trix.
I’ll feed it little children
To give it a dragon’s fix,
But mostly for the privilege of saying
“Silly rabbit, kids are for Trix!”
Filed under Poems
The Daily Travesty 