We survived a drowning island.
We endured the burning sand.
We outlasted freezing rain
And our cousin’s cover band.
We’ve outrun giant boulders
And a crazy nazi horde
But when the radio plays songs
By Taylor Swift… Oh Lord!
Tag Archives: Travesty
When The Mensa Meeting Gets Heated
If someone calls you a snollygoster
And you call them a doxy
Neither of you probably have friends
But you both have plenty of moxie!
Filed under Poems
But If A Doctor Says “Die Jew”, Historians Make A Whole Thing About It…
I don’t know if God is real
But when I went to the doc
I found my religious beliefs attacked
Which was a nasty shock.
He drew some blood, and so I asked
“What’s it called when you do a test?”
Doc said, “Diagnostic”
And I ran away (that seemed best).
Filed under Poems
Middle School Science Be Like… (Also, I Have No Idea What Color Jupiter Is, But Neither Do You, So Ha!)
Mercury is number one,
Venus is where women are from,
Mars is a song with lots of snare drum,
Jupiter is the color of plum,
Saturn has a bunch of rings,
Uranus is full of gas and things,
Neptune’s famed for icy springs,
And Pluto’s demotion to this day stings.
But you probably noticed the dearth
Of a line about the Earth
Because it is devoid of mirth
And is the only planet with Colin Firth.
Filed under Poems
Weather Or Not
There once was a guy from Poempeii
Who awoke on a cold, rainy day.
He said “Gods, I hate rain!
“Could you please stop this pain?”
How the Gods answered blew him away.
Filed under Poems
Multipurpose Tool
A shiny new piano
Is a beauty to behold,
And music can bring life and warmth
Despite the rain and cold.
Every key and inch of wood
Brings harmony, dear reader…
Especially when dropped from the 60th floor
Onto the appropriate world leader.
Filed under Poems
Just Another Way Men Are Casually Oppressed
All the women who play video games
And complain about bikini armor
Never seem to complain about how
Swords and arrows never harm her,
But men are stuck with heavy armor
Instead of a chainmail thong
Because if men could wear female armor
They’d be unbelievably strong.
Filed under Poems
Hi God… Let’s Talk Retcons For A Sec
Every night I go to sleep
After a simple prayer
When I recall the Star Wars sequels
And wish they weren’t there.
Every day when I awake
My wish was not obeyed,
But someday soon we’ll see a world
In which only six were made…
Filed under Poems
Jasmine Is Not A Fan Of Arabian Heat
Mohammed had a magic carpet
That very ably flew;
It could go zero to sixty
In precisely 8.2
But Aladdin had a carpet
With a sunroof and AC
So the choice of who to date
Was obvious to me!
Filed under Poems
The Ballad Of Marshmellow, Pt. 116
There once was a belly-up cat
Whose entire body was made of fat.
He lay on his back,
Then with claws did attack
And then fell asleep just like that!
Filed under Poems
The Daily Travesty 