If your husband is pooping
And taking his time
So that hours have passed
And the scent is a crime
There’s no need to bother
With a knock or a shout;
His business will finish
When the Wifi goes out.
Tag Archives: Truth
Diversity on TV
Some people love a TV show
Or book with all their heart
Because it’s scary/witty/charming
And fast-paced/tender/smart.
Others see that TV show
And think one long “okaaaaaaay?”
I think that’s the best diversity
Even if no one’s black or gay.
Filed under Poems
Campaign Ads, 2028
My fellow Americans
I stand before you today
To declare my intention to run
For president of the USA.
If I am elected
I promise to unite
A country that’s divided
Between the left and right.
Speaking of right, my campaign is sponsored
By Google Energy Drink.
It’s made with all of your favorite flavors
Because data showed us how you think.
Consume three cans of GED a day
Or we’ll share your browser history.
But back to how I’ll save our nation…
Find out tonight at 10:00 on History!
Filed under Poems
The Rhythm Of Universal Truth
No matter the size of our brains
Or the density of our bums
All humans are united in knowing
That buttocks can double as bongo drums.
Filed under Poems
When Rest Isn’t Restful
Thus the long weekend
Comes to a close.
We’ve done nothing for days
So why d’you suppose
We’re tired and cranky
And feeling frustration
And wanting time off
From our latest vacation?
Filed under Poems
Classic vs. Modern Openings
Some heroes wear capes;
Some villains wear capes too;
This is effectively the same poem as
“Roses are red, violets are blue.”
We Don’t Play To Use Effort… That’s Just Work
I found a fun video game
That simulates many ways to die.
The designers overlooked the simple fact
That survival means I’d have to try.
Filed under Poems
Big Brother
I accidentally deleted
My browser history
And yet the pages I visit
Show the same ads to me
About the things I’ve talked about
But never searched online
So forgive we while I move under this rock
And live there… I’ll be fine.
Filed under Poems
How To Be Popular
If I had breath like Godzilla
And my sneeze were a nuclear blast
I still wouldn’t like playing kickball
But at least I’d get picked before last.
Filed under Poems
Writer’s Strike or Poetic Justice?
I’m not sure which is better:
That Hollywood is on strike
Because computers can do their job better
And that they do not like
And now we won’t have any more
Reboots, remakes, or sequels?
Or that we finally see mindless machines
As movie writers’ equals?
Filed under Poems
The Daily Travesty 