‘Twas the night before the night before Christmas
And all through the all through the house
Everyone was everyone was wondering
“Why the **** is everything echoey?”
Category Archives: Poems
Because #Inclusion (Subverting Sexist Expectations Or Something?)
I always wanted a grandkid
With whom I could spend days
Holding, feeding, talking, reading,
And bonding in other ways.
When I got the call that said
“I’m pregnant,” I felt joy.
All that could make it better was if
The pregnant one was my little boy.
Filed under Poems
But You Have To Pour The Milk First
One day at breakfast I asked my niece
“What if a bowl of cereal were all just one piece?”
My niece said, “I don’t mean to boast
“But I invented that cereal. I call it ‘Toast.’”
Filed under Poems
Koala Bear Care, But Human Clean Poo Man?
Somewhere in Australia
A koala has a baby,
And when that baby takes a poo
In public, then just maybe
Koala mommy and her cub
In a public restroom hide
And clean up on a table
With a human on the side…
Filed under Poems
Breaking: Illuminati Leader Identified At Last!
One day, a cat suggested
“Wouldn’t it be great
“If we walked up to humans,
“Who we obviously hate,
“And acted cute and fluffy
“‘While we multiply their struggles?”
That cat is world famous now;
His name is Mr. Snuggles.
Filed under Poems
Averted The Crisis Is. Used Common Sense We Did.
A long time ago,
In a galaxy far away
Some Jedi asked the federation
How much they’d have to pay
To get the robot army guys
To stop blocking Naboo.
They came to a reasonable compromise
And they never filmed episode two.
Filed under Poems
When You Speak To A Chihuahua Without A Stupid Accent…
“You’re a good boy! Yes you are!”
They said and pulled me to the car.
But they didn’t use a cutesy voice
So I killed them (I had no choice).
Filed under Poems
So Ended The Artistic Career Of Coal-Eyed Jack
Once a man who had no legs
And really skinny arms
Made a statue of himself.
He didn’t see the harm,
And so he rolled three balls of snow
And stacked them one by one
Until a rabbit ate his nose
And spoiled all the fun.
Filed under Poems
Reflection
He looked in the mirror
And instead of his face
He saw someone worthy
Of goodness and grace;
A man who was useful,
Who’d given enough,
With bountiful beauty
Though his edges were rough;
A man that he knew
Deserved the fine feeling
That he could rise higher
Uncrushed by the ceiling;
A man who saw Heaven
In shelves left undusted,
Who hadn’t yet learned
It’s alright to be rusted;
A man who’d been beaten
Yet rose straight and tall
On the day he believed
It was his face after all.
Filed under Poems
Florida Man Saves Music
A duck walked up to a lemonade stand
And asked “Do you have any grapes?”
The lemonade seller shot dead the duck feller
Which proves not all heroes wear capes.
The Daily Travesty 