My love for you’s beyond that
Which human words can express,
But if I had to make a word
Then… let me think… I guess
It would sound somewhat like
The sound a beaver makes
When it stops chewing tree bark
And moves to eating rakes.
Tag Archives: poems
That Blows!
My urine is made of pure oxygen
Because of a disease that’s rare.
It’s not that bad except for the fact
That my parents called me “Pierre.”
Filed under Poems
George R.R. Martin Haikus
Tiny perfect love
Harmless as the falling snow…
Let’s murder it! Lol
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If your life is bland
Even though you’re rich and stuff
Why not try incest?
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I like stories where
Characters have twelve names each.
Maybe that’s just me…
Three Stupid Little Poems That You May Or May Not Enjoy
“Tough Stough”
They’re was once a person
Who said that life is though.
I think life was thougher for him
Because he was dumb, yo.
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“Follow Your Dreams”
It’s hard being a teenage mom.
I’m really not a fan,
But I think I have it harder
Given I’m a middle-aged man.
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“Find Yourself”
Iodine fluorine
Yttrium ununoctium
Calcium nitrogen
Rhenium astatine
Thorium iodine sulfur
Yttrium ununoctium
Argon rhenium
Uranium neodysium erbium
Tungsten oxygen krypton dysprosium oxygen
Filed under Poems
When You’re Flying In 16A
Like the great beluga whale
It weighs a couple tons,
Is pale as homemade yogurt,
And very seldom runs,
It makes a high-pitched squealing
When it means to share its views.
It mentions it’s in 16B
And apparently that’s good news?
Filed under Poems
Today
We are lazy-eyed romantics
Who, slothful, deign to leer
At sexy ghosts like future, past,
But seldom now or here.
We seek the worldly pleasures
That we, in moments, lack
Knowing we once had them
And hoping they’ll come back.
And like the perfect lover
The present sees us gaze
At a future that will never come
And long-forgotten days
Yet gives us still all that we need,
Supports in every way.
I write so we’ll requite the love
Of the miracle that is Today.
Fired From Hallmark… Again
Why’d the first flamingo think
“I’ll be flightless, awkward, pink?”
How’d the first hippo decide
To be as tall as it was wide?
Why did the first jackass choose
That name as the one to use?
You may wonder, so here’s a clue:
They all wanted to be like you!
Filed under Poems
Was There Ever A President Hank? ‘Cause That Window’s Probably Closing…
Today’s the day we celebrate
The presidents half of us hate,
The two or three good ones we got
And the fifty-some we all forgot.
We do not have gifts or a meal.
There is no spirit that we feel,
But it’s a day off so we thank
George and Abe and prob’ly a Hank.
Filed under Poems
The Problem With Democracy (My Perspective Matters More)
“Do you see what I see”
Is a stupid thing to ask,
For though the subject we both see
May be a boot or flask
I see it in the sunset
Flanked by gorgeous fall of night
But by virtue of an angle
You see it framed by walls of white.
I can see what you see
And you can see what I.
We can say “that is a boot”
Though we each use a different eye.
So why not on social matters
Cannot we likewise more agree
That if a thing’s more beautiful
To you than ’tis to me
That the thing itself objectively
Is, regardless, unaffected?
Because it doesn’t help dividers
Unite short-sight to get elected.
Filed under Poems
Don’t Let The Faux-Somnolent Diminish Your Importance!
When one says “I must be dreaming”
(Implying you’re something they snoozed)
You should slap them with a chicken
Just to make them more confused.
An alligator also works
But they’re tougher to hide.
Also, if you’re sleepy and poultry-phobic
I find it’s best to stay inside.
Filed under Poems
The Daily Travesty 