When a guy decides he’d rather be female
And undergoes surgery, then
I think they become the most powerful mutants
Because, after all, they’re ex-men.
Tag Archives: Poetry
What A Bunch Of Suckers…
Once upon a time there was sugar
Until some guy made a ball
That was entirely made out of sugar
But harder to swallow it all
And people decided to buy it,
This sugary sphere that was built,
For to swallow ten times as much spit in a day
But without all that damnable guilt.
Filed under Poems
And Your 2021 Nobel Peace Prize Nominee Is…
Today I did nothing
And it was amazing!
I sat on my butt and was still.
I looked into space
And thought about eating
But lacked all the required will.
I noticed the clock
As the hours ticked by
And almost did something by caring
But I fought the urge
And then happily lapsed
Back to stillness and vacantly staring.
Filed under Poems
Why They REALLY Monitor School Lunches
There once was a senator from Naboo
Who, of the Sith Order, knew.
One day he used the dark side,
Shot some lightning and died…
I guess he had a peanut allergy too!
Filed under Poems
Great Minds Think Alike, But Fools Seldom Differ
The best thing about 8 billion people
Is, at least according to me,
That no matter what weird opinion you have
At least one other guy will agree.
The worst thing about 8 billion people
Is, also according to moi,
That a bunch of the rich and the stupid ones
Agree their opinions are law.
Filed under Poems
Guest Poem from Al Bundy
If marriage were like football
There would be no single men.
Every year they’d scout for wives
And draft a girl or ten
Then sign them to a contract
For a couple wondrous years
And give them shirts with numbers
And use them to sell beers.
We’d all have favorite teams of wives
Like the Ashleys or the Sophies
Who live in different cities
And try to win us trophies,
And when the best turn 40
(Or sometimes just 34)
We’d trade them off to other teams
And draft a dozen more.
If marriage were like football
Maybe life would be ok,
But instead it seems to be more like
The WNBA.
Filed under Poems
It All Makes Sense Now…
Doctors say lots of children
Have ADHD
And would sit all day long
Just to watch some TV
But instead they must go
To be receive state education
In a room full of bullies
And other frustration.
We do this to children
Because they must learn
About how they can focus
Until they adjourn
As good reborn children
Instead of mere scamps,
Thus why schools should be called
“Concentration camps.”
Filed under Poems
Why Animals Are Better Naked
In the beginning
When Adam and Eve
Decided to hide
Their groins with some leaves
A great cat of Eden
Chose to enhance
Its modest appearance
By wearing some pants.
Were he a cheetah,
A leopard or lion
Their would be no problem
And all would be fine.
Alas, ’twas a puma
Who chose to get dressed
And he said “I puma pants”
And was teased ’til depressed.
And so he went naked
And other beasts did the same
Until that one girl
And the dog-sweaters came…
Filed under Poems
He Didn’t See That Coming Either
I met a guy
Who was afraid of the ocean,
The salt and the seaweed
And unending motion.
I said “You can fix it!
“Come swimming with me!”
Then I murdered and canned him
‘Cause he was Chicken of the Sea.
Filed under Poems
When Someone Tells A Racist Joke And You Want To Warn Them To Stop, Apparently Shouting “ABORT!” Doesn’t Help…
If ever a black woman
Tries to defraud you
Here is a line you can say:
“Do I look like your baby,
“Because probably maybe
“I wasn’t born yesterday.”
Filed under Poems
The Daily Travesty 