You need rain to make a rainbow.
You need rain to make a plant grow.
You need rain to have water fall from the sky
And that, gals and gents, is how inspirational quotes die.
Tag Archives: Stupid
Bad Parental Advice
I did something stupid.
They asked “why did you?
“If your parents where lemmings
Would you be one too?”
Filed under Poems
War Isn’t So Bad…
We’ve walked among some Autumn glades
Just us and the wind from the helicopter blades.
Falling gently to the ground
Are a leaf and some limbs and an M16 round.
A quaint little creek
Glitters bright mountain green
And, despite all our blood,
Is still cool fresh and clean.
We came here to camp,
Found these meadows to walk,
Because some old men
Wouldn’t sit down and talk,
But we can take solace
And our hearts can still sing
All thanks to the peace
That our murder will bring.
Filed under Poems
Shucka-Shucka-Sucka! (Shucks?)
I once knew a Moroccan
Who thought that I was shockin’.
I gave him a shake
To see what sound he’d make
And he said “That’s a maraca, dumbass!”
Filed under Poems
Thanks, Arbitrary Statistics!
A minute with me
Is an hour in Heaven,
But no woman will know
‘Cause I’m five-foot-eleven.
Filed under Poems
Meanwhile Someone Is Eating Water And Watching Their IQ Rise
The roses are dead.
The violets are too.
Someone swapped the water
With adhesive glue.
Filed under Poems
😎 and 🦑 are 🥇 right now
We’ve seen names with apostrophes
And names that lack a vowel.
We have seen surnameless names
Like Retta, Link, and Farrel.
We’ve seen whatever Prince’s name
Had been known as previously.
I just hope I get to be the first
To name a kid with an Emoji.
Filed under Poems
The Problem With Quotes
Just because a wise man said it
Doesn’t make it wise.
A wise man says “No bacon for me,”
But, plot twist! He eventually dies.
Filed under Poems
100% True
This poem is like
A blue-footed booby:
It makes some people laugh
And won’t have any significant impact on your life…
Shadooby.
Filed under Poems
Oligarchy Elementary Is Accepting New Students
I beg your pardon
For I mean to yap at thee
My case for nonconsensual
Reallocation of apathy,
For were we to allow
Our youth to expand
Their range of beliefs
We’d soon lose command
Of the best and the brightest
And the dullards alike.
Though the latter don’t argue
The former’d take a hike
And should free-thinkers see
All the ways we have lied…
Well, that is a notion
We must not abide.
Thus we must imprison
(At least to an extent)
Those who’ve not yet reached
The age of consent
And proceed to tell them
Facts they will ignore
To distract from the world
That they long to explore.
We’ll teach them arithmetic,
Reading, and writing
But most of all that
There is no need for fighting
For if each one resisted
Each oppressive foe
Then our script would be flipped
We, the high, become low.
Thus state education
In all things miscellaneous
Shall ensure that our underlings
Are not extemporaneous.
Thus closes my pitch
For public education.
We overlords live
Thanks to school’s misdirection.
Filed under Poems
The Daily Travesty 