Tag Archives: Travesty

The Morning News

Good morning, I’m your anchorman

Stu Earlyforme.

Today, Beverly Hills, 90210

Cleveland Browns, 3.

In an unrelated story

UPS has hired

For delivering heavy packages

River, a female tiger.

Though mostly quite successful

She’s been criticized of late. These

Critics say its dangerous

When the tigress River meets yo’ freight needs.

A new study from Harvard

Indicates the transgender switch

Can give patients speech impediments.

It’s titled “Man or Myth?”

And finally porn star ventriloquist

Ada Youknowwhat faced rejection

When pitching her new sitcom

Entitled “Yeast Inflection.”

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It’s Hard To Express Affection Sometimes

My love for you’s beyond that

Which human words can express,

But if I had to make a word

Then… let me think… I guess

It would sound somewhat like

The sound a beaver makes

When it stops chewing tree bark

And moves to eating rakes.

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That Blows!

My urine is made of pure oxygen

Because of a disease that’s rare.

It’s not that bad except for the fact

That my parents called me “Pierre.”

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George R.R. Martin Haikus

Tiny perfect love

Harmless as the falling snow…

Let’s murder it! Lol

——————————————————–

If your life is bland

Even though you’re rich and stuff

Why not try incest?

——————————————————–

I like stories where

Characters have twelve names each.

Maybe that’s just me…

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Three Stupid Little Poems That You May Or May Not Enjoy

“Tough Stough”

They’re was once a person

Who said that life is though.

I think life was thougher for him

Because he was dumb, yo.

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“Follow Your Dreams”

It’s hard being a teenage mom.

I’m really not a fan,

But I think I have it harder

Given I’m a middle-aged man.

——————————————————–

“Find Yourself”

Iodine fluorine

Yttrium ununoctium

Calcium nitrogen

Rhenium astatine

Thorium iodine sulfur

Yttrium ununoctium

Argon rhenium

Uranium neodysium erbium

Tungsten oxygen krypton dysprosium oxygen

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When You’re Flying In 16A

Like the great beluga whale

It weighs a couple tons,

Is pale as homemade yogurt,

And very seldom runs,

It makes a high-pitched squealing

When it means to share its views.

It mentions it’s in 16B

And apparently that’s good news?

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Fired From Hallmark… Again

Why’d the first flamingo think

“I’ll be flightless, awkward, pink?”

How’d the first hippo decide

To be as tall as it was wide?

Why did the first jackass choose

That name as the one to use?

You may wonder, so here’s a clue:

They all wanted to be like you!

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Was There Ever A President Hank? ‘Cause That Window’s Probably Closing…

Today’s the day we celebrate

The presidents half of us hate,

The two or three good ones we got

And the fifty-some we all forgot.

We do not have gifts or a meal.

There is no spirit that we feel,

But it’s a day off so we thank

George and Abe and prob’ly a Hank.

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The Problem With Democracy (My Perspective Matters More)

“Do you see what I see”

Is a stupid thing to ask,

For though the subject we both see

May be a boot or flask

I see it in the sunset

Flanked by gorgeous fall of night

But by virtue of an angle

You see it framed by walls of white.

I can see what you see

And you can see what I.

We can say “that is a boot”

Though we each use a different eye.

So why not on social matters

Cannot we likewise more agree

That if a thing’s more beautiful

To you than ’tis to me

That the thing itself objectively

Is, regardless, unaffected?

Because it doesn’t help dividers

Unite short-sight to get elected.

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Don’t Let The Faux-Somnolent Diminish Your Importance!

When one says “I must be dreaming”

(Implying you’re something they snoozed)

You should slap them with a chicken

Just to make them more confused.

An alligator also works

But they’re tougher to hide.

Also, if you’re sleepy and poultry-phobic

I find it’s best to stay inside.

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