If I were a trilobite
I’d be very lonely.
I’d go on trilodate.com
But I’d find myself only.
I’d be alone through every night
And have very little fun.
But I realize I don’t know what I trilobite is
And also that I just might be one.
I Had An Idea And I Ran With It… Please Don’t Sue Me
I read a headline today
About some medical supplements
Who killed a baker’s apprentice.
I couldn’t help but say “oh boy.”
What else can you say
When you read in the paper
A headline that says
“Pills bury dough boy.”
Filed under Poems
Also, I Seem To Be Getting Smaller…
I look like a million bucks
Which really, REALLY sucks:
I’m paper thin
With off-green skin
And my value’s always in flux.
Filed under Poems
Why I Never Got Together With That Cute Girl In Class
What wonder has a flower,
A daisy or a rose,
To the clueless human
As on its way it goes?
A work of nature, beautiful,
Is worth not but a glance
For what interest has a human
In the idle ways of plants?
But a very ugly flower
That can nauseate by sight,
That makes you want to kick a baby,
Draw attention that just might.
So when you see the spiders
Crawling from my bloodshot eyes
I seek your fondness and attention.
‘Twas not that so very wise?
Filed under Poems
Questionable Pickup Line #473
If you see a girl you like
And say to her “my name is Mike”
Then it’d be a real shame
If that weren’t your real name.
Filed under Poems
Elegy For My Youthful Vigor
‘Tis late! ‘Tis late!
‘Tis nearly dark!
I really should be snoring.
You say “it’s fine,”
But it’s nearly 9:00
And, oh my God, I’m boring!
Filed under Poems
You CAN’t Win ‘Em All
If I CAN be CANdid
That which CAN be CANned
CAN make an author realize
That their idea doesn’t have
A logical and satisfying conclusion.
Filed under Poems
Career Advice
If you were born with giant feet
And a spherical scarlet nose
And super pale powdery skin
And carrying a plastic rose
I think you should become a clown
And make a living so
‘Cause if you don’t then people
Might think you’re creepy, just so you know.
Filed under Poems
“I” Pronounced “E,” In This Case Before “Le”
I looked for better deals
For my monthly cell phone plan.
Some offers good, others not,
There was a terrific span.
But the ad from Virgin Mobile
Was the one that caught my eye.
It was a picture of my car;
“Read our name again and cry.”
Filed under Poems
The Daily Travesty 