People who don’t think gender is real
May have a change of heart
Depending on if the person who says
“Smell this” is named Judy or Bart.
Tag Archives: Humor
Pyramids: Primeval Percussion Palaces
Before the phrase “More Cowbell”
Took the world by storm
Egyptians had a fever
And only could stay warm
By making a great replica
Of the instrument they’d dangle;
And they shouted in Egyptian
“I need some more triangle!”
Filed under Poems
It’s Not In Their Nature
If you toss a baby bird in water
It will probably die.
If you toss a fish from a nest
It will not learn to fly.
If you’re nice to someone rude
They’ll likely stay a jerk,
Yet the government employs people
And thinks that they will work?
Filed under Poems
It Rubs Me The Wrong Way, You Know?
Some people fear that God fellow.
Some people fear that Devil guy.
I fear the one who actually prefers
The toilet paper with just one ply.
Filed under Poems
Sir Alec Guinness, Ladies and Gents
There once was a guy named Obi
Whose surname was, weirdly, Kenobi.
Then this kid came along…
“Do you know Obi-Wan?”
And he was like “Of course I know me!”
—————————————————————
There once was a trooper, unnamed,
Who sought droids with data untamed,
But Obi’s like “Pu-lease!
“You ain’t looking for these.”
Only later trooper thought “I got gamed.”
—————————————————————
There one was a giant black guy
Who had a death star in the sky.
Obi met him one day
And was like “Ani! Hey!”
And then Obi-Wan’s like, “Guess I’ll die.”
Filed under Poems
Hence, The Dictionary
When you really think about it
All language came about
Because some caveman somewhere
Thought “Maybe I should shout
“A bunch of random nonsense,”
And someone from out of town
Thought “That would make a boring book;
“I’d better write it down!”
Filed under Poems
When You Pull On A Hangnail It Starts Bleeding
“Sometimes it feels
Like I am the undead,
A decaying body
Kept alive by a head
That is absent of thoughts,
Knowing nothing but pain
Until I can feast
On a life once again.
Some people despise me
For they think I’m a devil,
Depraved, dirty, lesser,
And not on their level.”
The doctor just smiled
And he asked me again:
“How much does it hurt,
From a 1 to a 10?”
Filed under Poems
Still Cheaper Than Student Loan Forgiveness
Somebody ought to make a theme park
Inspired by loneliness
And they only let one person in at a time,
And that one guest
Who feels sad and miserable and alone
Gets to ride roller coasters
And skip all the lines
And there’s no trash or noise
Or dirty screaming little kids
And everyone is happy.
And other lonely people come
And they ride the roller coasters too
But they have to wait
And they’re hungry and tired
And everyone is miserable
And then they all leave
And the first guest feels good again
Because they appreciate how nice it is to be alone.
Then we repeat the process 7.5 billion times
And we have world peace.
Filed under Poems
Thus, Sportsball and Gender Studies Scholarships
Super smart students
Have to pay tons of cash
To take college classes
That mostly are trash.
Super good athletes
Can study for free
And despite low grades get
The exact same degree.
The reason for this
Is confusing to some,
And I’m here to explain
Why it isn’t that dumb…
The purpose of college
I will hereby state:
“To see how much BS
“One can tolerate.”
Filed under Poems
A Promising Start
Marjorie Jean was a mysterious queen
Who brought me to a miniature land
Where pain and fear did disappear
But not a bit was bland.
She took me out on a walkabout
For a sandwich of significant size
Then we’d settle in as the games begin
Until the evening had sealed our eyes.
But the morning sun said “you’re not done”
And two cats were fondled and fed
Before M and I walked with Mr. Blue Sky
To the land where the sharks go to bed.
A party of two then suddenly grew
And so did the Marjories double.
This new, larger band celebrated as planned
With all of the expected trouble.
And so fed, I turned with my face and neck burned,
And sped off in a car doused in Axe.
One day I’ll be seen back with Marjorie Jean,
And until that day two hearts relax.
Filed under Poems
