Tag Archives: Life

Running In The Family?

Would it be awful

If I ate a waffle

Instead of nutrition for dinner?

Not so, my lad!

No, a waffle ain’t bad

But you’ll have to work hard to get thinner.

Would it be ok

If I sat for a day

And watched TV and ate cheese?

Sure, sloth is fun

If you go for a run

To make sure you don’t get obese.

Thanks dad. You’re wise!

I guess me and the guys

Will eat waffles and cheese and relax,

Then we’ll go for a run

When the vegging is done

So our bellies don’t spill from our slacks!

Hey son, I see

Your weight starts with a three

And is neither four digits nor two.

Yeah dad, turns out

Running didn’t work out

But at least now I look more like you!

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Knights May Be Scarce, But Fairies Are Thriving

You know how the female fantasy

Used to be being held in a tower

Until a brave prince came a calling,

Slayed a dragon, and exercised power?

Well, now the female fantasy

Is to be the brave dragon who can

And wondering why the princes won’t die

To save damsels who don’t need a man.

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An Introverted Friend Indeed…

Motivation is a friend

Who sets an inspiring tone

And would be a mighty ally

If they’d just pick up their phone…

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Labor Day

Happy Monday everyone!

Take a day off! Have some fun!

This is your chance to relax and be free

By sitting for hours and watching TV!

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Chck/Kchck

My pronouns are just

The sound of a pump shotgun

Loading one more shell

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You Never Know What You’re Gonna Get

They say life is like a box of chocolates

But I think it’s more like a Chinese buffet:

You get to eat as much as you can manage

But if it’s chicken or a puppy, who can say?

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The Great Reset

Sometime in 1988

We finished the political game

And now we’re playing as the final boss

And discovering the devs made him lame.

I move we return to the menu

And delete our saved data, restarting

At the level where we’re naked cave people

And we elect leaders by farting.

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Apple: Because I Chose It When I Was 12 And It’s Too Late Now

For a few months my iPhone

Had eight hours of life between charges,

Then the next model released

And my phone bill suddenly enlarges.

Oh, an update to iOS x+1?

That sounds like an important step.

Did it drop my battery life by 20 percent?

Unsurprisingly, that’s a big “yep”.

“It’s ok”, says my telephone rep.

“You can upgrade today for free.

“You’ll just change your phone number

“And sign here in blood

“And pay for 69 months interest-free!”

And so, in a rage, I go shopping

For whatever Android people buy,

Then I remember how all my app data

Only works if my phone has an “i”

And I slink to my room where my charger

Sits happily waiting to go.

I’ll repeat this emotional process

Every year for a lifetime or so.

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Almost Heaven, West Virginia?

There was an affordable city

That wasn’t all dirty and shitty.

Then it made the news

And earned plenty of views

And Californians are coming… a pity!

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Before They Were Famous

He may seem like a regular guy

But there’s something you don’t know:

There’s a secret god of rock and roll

Inside this Average Joe.

He can make a room of peasants dance

And blow the roof off nightly

But he also has to pay the bills

To not appear unsightly.

He’s a part-time rockstar with a full-time job,

An overdriven ax and a name tag (“Bob”).

He’s bohemian, rhapsodic, and his stairway to heaven

Just happens to start at the 7/11.

So next time you go out to purchase a slurpee

Just know that the guy who you pay

Might just be the someone you blast as you’re driving,

A new-age Bon Jovi someday,

And know that berating him ‘cause your burrito

Is stale is annoying and wrong

And he’ll write down your name so when he finds fame

Your behavior will be a hit song.

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