There once was a popular band
Whose singer was pretty but bland.
The sales started to fall
Until for one and all
She showed off a mammary gland.
Tag Archives: Poetry
Seriously, Look It Up People!
Nixon heard of the Laffer curve
And thought it was a joke.
Reagan heard of the Laffer curve
And said “that’s why we’re broke!”
Obama heard of the Laffer curve
And asked “what did you smoke?”
Trump heard of the Laffer curve
And said “this is bigly woke!”
Most of you heard of the Laffer curve
For the first time just now,
You don’t know what it is
Or how it affects your chow.
So please look up the Laffer curve
So as to be better informed
And we can get to fixing
All the folks who’ve been social-normed.
Filed under Poems
Flowery Thoughts
Roses are red,
Violets are blue,
Yet a more valuable fact
Is less cited as true:
They’re symbols of waste,
The decay of one’s youth,
Yet one must buy flowers
To prove that you’re couth.
For every blue violet
And red rose you eschew
The longer the doghouse
Shall be fate for you.
So for my fellow rebels
Who see trees but not forests…
When we kill all the lawyers
Let’s also kill florists.
Filed under Poems
Sounds From The Palace
Close your eyes and hear the rain,
Which sounds like water, wet and plain.
It sounds a bit like falling tears
But bigger and much less salty.
Some hear it on metal roofs fall,
Like little elves playing basketball.
Some hear it on a rubber tarp,
Which, let’s be honest, probably sucks.
Some hear it on roofs of wood.
Better than a tarp, but still not good.
But to me it sounds like my laughter
At a bunch of damp blind people.
Now you probably feel dumb
For closing your eyes
And listening to freaking water!
Lol… peasants.
Filed under Poems
Alas, Sales Would Fall Quickly In California
We as a species
Devote so much time
To inventing a car
That’s smarter than us;
A car that can fly,
Can swim or can jump,
Can brake automatically
And not cause a fuss.
I think we can dream
Even bigger than this,
That the auto market,
There is a way to win it,
And we must redouble
Our effort to invent
A car that implodes
When a moron gets in it.
Filed under Poems
Thar’s Lookin’ At The Bri’ Side!
I went to bed at midnight
And woke at 5:00 AM
Happy, peaceful, prepped to seize the day,
“But its early” I thought
And so I hatched a plot
To sleep a few more hours anyway.
Now its just about 11:00
And I’m achy, sick, and bored
Wondering what the heck went wrong.
Now I’ll get dumped and buy a gun
And call up Brooks and Dunn
And maybe this day can be a country song!
Filed under Poems
Somehow Rising Oceans Didn’t Show Up Either… Huh
29.34 percent of deaths
Were caused by heart disease.
23.04 were infections and
Parasitic causes (like fleas).
Cancer’s 12.49, stroke’s 9.66.
The next 20or so’s respiratory.
Then we get into small CoD’s
And a more interesting story:
War caused just .3 percent
Of death in recent times,
About the same as syphilis
And less than a third that of violent crimes.
More people died of tetanus
Than a decade of endless war.
You’ll more likely die of suicide
Than fighting on a distant shore.
And too low to show up,
Beneath .06 percent
I’m wondering where all the deaths
From firearm ownership went.
Filed under Poems
Lady and the Tramp
She was a Sagittarius
Who played a Stradivarius.
I was a Virgo
Who played the trombone.
She spent her days
Reading music and plays
While I played Tetris
Beside my pet stone.
She was a sommelier,
Who perused cassoulet
And to whom piquant tinctures
Were je ne sais quois.
But down by the lake
I jumped out of her cake
And I’m pretty certain
That she noticed moi.
Filed under Poems
Political Philosophy 101
Sometimes a thought
Is not what it ought,
A fact that, alas, you can’t change.
But type it in bold
And voila! Behold
It’s still pointless, but I had you going for a while.
Filed under Poems
