Tag Archives: Truth

Hallelujah

There lived a man who wished to die,

With lips malformed so when he’d sigh

The anguish that emerged was like

The first sunrise of Spring.

The humans that he’d never known

Had from all places to him flown

With no intent to comfort him

But just to hear him sing.

The singer sang, the cryer cried

To oceans deep and mountains wide

And every human listener thought

The singer read their mind.

The speaker spoke, the moaner moaned.

His sorrows said, his hopes intoned

Leaving unspoken just enough,

Ensuring seekers find.

He screamed at them in loneliness:

A girl in far too short a dress

Confused by why she couldn’t find

A man who’d stay ’til morning

And, to the men who eyed her, said

To see her heart before her bed

But all they heard were pretty words

And not the singer’s warning.

He sang to those who owned the gold,

The young who’d never gotten old,

The old who’d never been a child,

To those without a penny.

His sharing was his means to cope.

His medicine was spreading hope

Perhaps to you, the listening few

Among the mindless many.

The living listened as he cried,

He sang also to those who died,

A song for all who made mistakes

And sought to change their fate.

Some say that Satan turned to hear

And even shed a single tear.

Although the angel fell from grace

His wings might still bear weight.

No one asked the singer’s name.

To his wake no listeners came

For clouds above were pearly white

And sky above was blue.

Thus did the singer move along.

No longer needed was his song.

The singer lives forever

Even though his wish came true.

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21st Century Facts

95 Americans contracted the plague

From 2000 to 2017

12 of whom have died from it

(At least that we have seen).

It’s amazing that all these years later

The plague is here to stay,

And that it’s death toll is greater

Than all-time ticket sales of the WNBA.

Sources:

https://www.cdc.gov/plague/maps/index.html

(Unfortunately there is no significant data indicating the purchase of one or more tickets to a WNBA event)

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On A Scale Of One-To-Steak…

When I see people eating kale

I find it kind of odd

‘Cause kale is to vegetables

As celery is to God.

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Social Media Arguments

If you’d rather win than be happy

And you’d rather be happy than right

You may be a dumb git

And you’ll feel like shit

But hey! You won that Facebook fight.

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It’s Only Right You Suffer For My Mistakes

Yesterday I wrote two poems.

I feel like a dunce.

I meant one to be published tomorrow (today?)

But it got published at once.

Because of my mistake that day

You must hear me now annunc…

Iate. Yes, this poem is pointless

And every other line rhymes with “grunce.”

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This Is Probably Sexist…

Science has concluded

That for most life on earth

The number of penises you have

Is inversely correlated with your odds of giving birth.

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Yes, I’m A White Male. Why Do You Ask?

There are as many guns as people

In the USA.

There are more rounds of ammo

Than people in history.

Yet you think murder will stop

If guns go away.

Your method of thinking…

Now that is a mystery!

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In. Case. They. Screwed. Up.

When. I. Read. Hai. Kus.

I. Read. Them. One. Syll. A. Ble.

At. A. Time. Don’t. You?

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Pictionary

I drew a little stickman

Sitting in a tree

Holding a banana

And my friend said “Chimpanzee.”

I made the stickman hairier

And made his muscles big

And made his nose look stubby

And my friend said “Chimpanzee?”

I made stickman hold a lady

And stand on a skyscraper

And the light in my friend’s eyes turned on

And he said “Big chimpanzee.”

Then I pointed at the picture

And gestured for a while,

Drew the same picture again

And my friend began to smile

And as the sand fell from the timer

He sat up straight and tall

And said “That is Godzilla,”

So I threw him through a wall.

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What Do You Want For Dinner?

If there were a food

Whose taste was so divine

To eat it made you orgasm

In an instant forty times,

That not only set your loins alight

But set your heart afire,

A food so good it’s better than

Hearing Taylor Swift retire,

And that this oh-so-perfect food

Can be grown nearly for free,

Can be cooked in 19 seconds

And cures world hunger instantly,

Is the most positive thing in the universe,

Like -1 times the all-time worst

Your girlfriend would whine about it

If you suggested to eat it first.

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