The melted snow falls heavy
On the softly frozen grounds.
Soft damp dirt is flowing
And sogginess abounds.
The rivers swell like egos
And the tin roofs play their tune
As the young folks cruise the city
And ponder whom to moon.
The church is serving soup today
While TV serves the news.
One small-town team knows victory
And one team sings the blues.
And every single raindrop
That hits earth, roof, or hair
Is happy in its wetness
And, of humans, doesn’t care.
Filed under Poems
It may not be fun to be a grunt,
A minion, red-shirt, or blackguard,
But you’ll surely be remembered
When one sees your business card!
As the clock strikes midnight
In the palace of ice
My glass shoes turn to cowhide,
My horses become mice,
My hair falls in dirty sheets
Over my blouse, which ironically
Is also made of dirty sheets
Which still smell better than me,
And I see my prince’s eyes widen
And he tells me I’m still beautiful
So I slap him and run away
‘Cause I don’t like being objectified
By one-percenters.
Filed under Poems
When you’re young, people ask
“What do you want to be
“When you grow up,” and today
I found my answer (finally)!
I want to be the guy whose job’s
To be the obscure-stats fairy
And Google crap that nobody knows
And tell the guys doing commentary
So when the score is 12-8
In a game involving someone named “Lou”
Because of me you’ll know that hasn’t happened
Since 1962!
Filed under Poems
At first today my heart was pained
By knowing every team
In the NFL I cared about
This year had lost their dream.
Then my brain switched on a light
And I did realize
Two teams I strongly dislike
Have to get hit by guys twice my size,
That excellence and victory
Brought them 4 weeks of extra pain
For a 50/50 shot
At a trophy they might gain.
And somewhere betwixt my brain and heart
I realized how futile are rings and crowns
And found new admiration
For the 49ers and the Browns.
Intelligence is knowing
That Xanthan Gum’s squiggly.
Wisdom is not suggesting it
As a flavor for Wrigley.
Filed under Poems
It’s half an hour to midnight
As the car runs out of gas.
The hat succumbs to the weather.
The little dog treats me like a cat.
My will is like an iron
As I walk in metal shoes
Towards the hotel of my rivals
And I know I’m bound to lose.
No change, though hours are passing
At the boardwalk by the park.
A steamship carrying wheelbarrows
Passes silent in the dark.
And as I spend my last coin
At the railroad B&O
I look at my thimble overlord,
Roll doubles thrice and to jail I go.
Filed under Poems
I want a sci-fi movie
With a lisping protagonist
Who steals bladed weapons
From a man who reshaped a board.
The reason why is simply
I want them to beat the antagonist
Not with a light saber
But with a lather’s sword.
Filed under Poems
Many a cliff has suffered,
Many a mountain fell,
Many a stone was carved upon
For a corpse’s age to tell.
And so I stand in memory
Of the headstones far and wide
Who gave their lives to lay
And tell us who here-lied.
Filed under Poems
Release your expectations,
Let your preconceptions go,
And feel the endless universe
Again begin to flow
And the morons who surround you
And the stupid crap they say
Will be caught in freedom’s current
And finally wash away.
So give up on the must haves,
The shoulds, the oughts, the wants,
Ignore the could-be-betters
And the little human taunts.
Give up on perfection,
On how “great” looks in your mind
And you’ll find new satisfaction
On the blank slate left behind.
Filed under Poems
The Daily Travesty 