Nickelback called me
To let me know
They wrote a song
Inspired by my life.
Part of me feels
Honored by their intention,
But I’ll never listen to the song
Which should save me some strife.
Tag Archives: Bad
No (AKA Why Is Pessimism Such An Ugly Word Anyway?)
If the floor weren’t made of lava
And society wasn’t Hell
And people were polite
And once in a while something went well
And I wasn’t disappointed
By the bills someone probably sent me
And my life wasn’t garbage
Would the glass still be half-empty?
Filed under Poems
Hint: I’m Burning The American Southeast In Effigy
It’s my birthday.
The Seahawks lost.
You may or may not draw
An accurate conclusion
Of my happiness (or lack thereof)
Based on that information.
Filed under Poems
And The Bells Did Not Chime That Morning
I won’t give you the time of day
‘Cause, of the clock, I’m in the way.
(This line’s just setting up the final rhyme).
You’re the morning-bells’s knocker,
And you’d call me a clock-blocker
Except, of course, you haven’t got the time.
Filed under Poems
An Excerpt From Baltimore’s “Most Popular Baby Names”
I really don’t think I shoulda
Named my child Barracuda.
At first I thought I’d go with Sid,”
And now I wish did,
But when I named him I was living in the hood-a.
Filed under Poems
Cletus The Storm Trooper’s Country Song
I went to the range
To learn how to shoot.
I had me a gun
For to have me a hoot.
I pulled me a trigger
And I used my head
And thanks to my prudence
No targets ended up dead!
Filed under Poems
JurASSic Park?
I’ve debated for a while
The moral consequences
Of selling my body for money.
But when I undress
I find to my distress
That people just think it is funny.
So I hired somebody
Who looks a bit like me
To portray me in screenwritten sex.
He’s an older man
With a history in movies
Named Tyrannosaurus Rexxx.
Filed under Poems
A Commoner Poem
If I were cast in Game of Thrones
I think I’d be a peasant
‘Cause I’m a lousy actor
And my death would be more pleasant.
Filed under Poems
I Stole These Jokes And Made Them Rhyme… You’re Welcome
A Mexican magician
Was the epitome of grace.
He would count “uno, dos,”
Then disappear without a tres.
He did this trick in Europe.
When he reappeared he said “mama mia!”
Then he asked “can you see me now?”
And the crowd said: “Yes, oui, si, ja.”
Filed under Poems
What We Really Mean
Happy birthday Facebook friend!
This past year your life didn’t end.
You didn’t factor much into my life.
We’re only friends ’cause of my wife.
Filed under Poems
The Daily Travesty 