Every time you set up a game
Of chess and take a pawn
You’ve created a token minority.
That’s all for tonight… moving on…
Tag Archives: Black Humor
All Part Of A Complete Breakfast
The toaster makes you crispy bread.
The fridge chills out your meals.
The plate will hold your citrus fruit
And the garbage holds the peels.
The dishwasher will clean things up
And there’s cereal on the shelf.
The pit trap on the front porch
Means you enjoy it by yourself.
Filed under Poems
The Real Monster Is The Underpaid Babysitter Who Reads This Poem To Your Kids Before Bed
Beds are safe and soft and warm
And in them you won’t come to harm.
But when you wake to pee at night
Then be harmed you may well might.
That’s why when you have to pee
Don’t get up for the W.C.
Your mattress was absorbantly designed
And I promise mom and dad won’t mind!
Filed under Poems
Assault? Blacklist Him! Sex Slavery? Let’s Let Him Slide Quietly Out Of The Public Eye (Yay Hollywood)
There once was an actor named Will
Who was punished for slapping, until
He thought “I’ll never be arrested
“If they knew I molested
“And trafficked minors for capitol hill!”
Filed under Poems
The Whole World Is Just The WWE Now, But Without The Clever Storylines
There once was a woman whose hair
Was, due to alopecia, not there.
One guy smacked a comic
And I find it ironic
That anyone still seems to care.
Filed under Poems
I WOULD RATHER GIVE SATAN’S PET PORCUPINE A BLOWJOB THAN HAVE FRONTIER INTERNET ONE MORE SECOND
Right now it’s been 21 minutes
Since I started loading my homework
And the first question still hasn’t loaded.
I imagine sometime in the future
When the sun is a distant memory
And perhaps the whole universe has imploded
I’ll finally look at my laptop
And see “Question 1 of 16”
Blinking at me from the shadows of collapsing stars…
Well, it’s been seven more minutes
Since I started writing this poem
So thank goodness my Wifi says I have three bars!
Edit: It’s Viasat, actually. (This is the Upgrade from Frontier. Leave none alive)
Filed under Poems
What Do You Want To Be When You Grow Up?
Some kids will say “Astronaut”.
Some kids will say “Surgeon.”
Some kids will say “Engineer”
Which means they misspelled “Virgin.”
Some kids will say “A Hero
“Dressed in armor and a cowl.”
But props to the kid who said
“I’d be your girlfriend’s towel.”
Filed under Poems
What Every Man Wishes He Could Say To The Woman He Loves
I hope you sleep well dear,
All warm in your bed
With the stars softly kissing
The back of your head,
And the darkness and quiet
And peace coalesce
To relieve you of burdens
And release you from stress.
I hope you are carried
By angels of dreams
To a land of soft mountains
And limerent streams
So that when you awaken
Refreshed and renewed
You’ll finally cook me
Some half decent food!
Filed under Poems
And I, For One, Think It’s Great*
There once was a fascist ideal
That stirred up political zeal.
It showed only news
Which supported its views
Then mandated we see its appeal.
*They have my family… help!
Filed under Poems
It Began As A Sleepy Soliloquy… It Ended As A Halftime Show
It’s past the time I need to go
To sleep, but here am I
Writing rhymes that rhyme sometimes
As many times I try
And why I try, I cannot lie,
Is just to try my luck
‘Cause I have no skill, but possibly still
I’ll be famous if I say white people suck.
Filed under Poems
The Daily Travesty 