Many kids found Waldo
When themselves were kids.
They found Waldo in a crowd
‘Cause that’s just what they did.
Some grown-ups still have Waldo
Waiting on their shelf,
But how many people thought
To help poor Waldo find himself?
Tag Archives: poems
The Optimist Manifesto
There are no starless evenings
And never will there be.
Nothing stops existing
Just because you cannot see.
If you call a glass half-empty
Or say one plus three is two
You do not hurt reality
Except the part that’s you.
And if you look up at the sky
Upon some cloudy night
And say the stars are lovely
When there’s not a star in sight
That doesn’t make you foolish
And you’ll only seem a dope
To those who never knew of faith
And have forgotten hope.
I pledge to always be the fool
Who calls a crow a dove,
Who calls the wind the breath of God,
Whose sin is too much love.
While I may not know what’s real
I know that I know not
So why not choose to fill the void
With one more happy thought?
Filed under Poems
When Big Brother Is Ignoring You
If you, dear reader, aren’t aware
Of government surveillance
Then you really ought to know
That the FBI
and CIA
Have a list of words like so:
If you write gun
Or bomb or kill
Or terrorism in an email
You’ll be on
Their list to watch
Whether or not you’re female.
If you write
Assassinate,
Anarchy, or Iran
Then your social media page
Will probably get a scan.
I tell you of
This fact because
My blog needs to get more views.
You’ll know if it
Worked out okay
When my arrest is on the news.
Filed under Poems
No Signal
Last evening I went to a party
To enjoy silly games with my friends,
To gaze in their eyes and avoid all the lies
That daily the Buy Stuff Guild sends.
But when I arrived at the meeting
I found my compatriots dead
For they talked as robots, just of things, not of thoughts,
Comparing what their Facebooks said.
Now I wander the streets, I the phoneless
Through the crowd who feel proud of their debt.
Is there still a someone who is friends with the sun,
To whom strangers’ hellos are no threat?
Though I may be lost I still wander
And my home is wherever I’m free.
As I whistle alone, just a man with no phone,
I hope that you’ll smile back at me.
Filed under Poems
Checkmate Feminists!
Men are from Mars.
Women are from Venus.
You can’t be happy
Without a hap-piness.
Filed under Poems
The Placelandian National Anthem
Placelandia! We celebrate
The nation that is not a state,
The place where politicians come to die!
Where residents have common sense
And our plan for national defense
Is not to be a dick to folks nearby.
Placelandia! We celebrate
Our lack (so far) of Watergate
Or other nasty scandals of that kind.
Where citizens think differently
And something backs our currency;
A country built with happiness in mind.
Placelandia! Placelandia!
A nation that can safely be ignored.
Placelandia! Placelandia!
Where drama-seeking tourists will be bored.
Placelandia! We celebrate
That here nice guys can get a date
And nobody is told they must comply.
Where everybody owns a Glock
And Fox exec Rupert Murdoch
Would not have had to cancel Firefly.
Placelandia! We celebrate
A place mostly devoid of hate,
Where legs just shave themselves if given time.
We hope you have enjoyed this song
And pop stars didn’t sing too long
Before the very easy ending rhyme.
Placelandia! Placelandia!
It’s a pretty snazzy kinda joint.
Placelandia! Placelandia!
Okay, okay, okay! We get the point!
Celebrating The Freedom To Be Lousy At Stuff
All around me I see boring artwork
I hear songs and and poems I despise,
Read novels with no satisfying endings
And look at them through someone else’s eyes,
Thus what once seemed like a bunch of rubbish
From the perspective of the makers, though they’re dopes,
I know as long as we are free to make this sort of crap
We’re free from those who’d seek to crush our hopes.
So if you feel tired of the daily,
The regular routine has got you down,
Why not draw a purple line on canvas
And sell it to a bank somewhere in town?
Filed under Poems
My (So Far) Unpublished Picture Book
Bobby was an antelope
That lived out on the plains.
He had a happy smile
To conceal his inner pains
‘Cause though he was an antelope
What Bobby always sought
Was to turn into a camel.
Eventually that’s what he got.
Bobby’s story is inspiring
A lot like Forrest Gump.
He was a horny animal
Who just wanted a hump.
He had a little surgery
And moved to the Sahara.
To his family he said “bye”
And, to his troubles, “sayonara.”
But it turns out as a camel
Bobby suffered from great thirst.
Before he made his change
He should have thought about it first!
So Bobby died alone
Among the cacti and the sand.
He got exactly what he wanted
But it wasn’t what he’d planned.
Bobby didn’t go to heaven,
Nor to limbo or to hell
Because there is no afterlife
For our heroic trans-camel.
So if you really want something
A little or a lot
Use Bobby’s tale of woe
To eliminate that thought!
🐮🐪😁🌵☠️💡💔
Filed under Poems
Where’s That Guy Who Says “I’ll Do Anything Once”
I imagine if you walked around
Just licking random people
They’d probably throw you in jail.
However, I lack the desire
To test the hypothesis.
I also lack money for bail.
What We Learned: Don’t End A Line With “Desserts”
Lemon flavored water,
Lemon cheesecake and desserts,
Lemon flavored pepper
Are a few examples of how, with lemons, society flirts.
The only lemon item
That people don’t enjoy
Are actual plain ol’ lemons.
(Also maybe lemon bok choy).
Filed under Poems
The Daily Travesty 