The average guy is a virgin.
The average girl is a hoe.
You can get a college degree
To combat toxic masculinity…
How’d we get here? I don’t know.
Tag Archives: Poetry
A New Study Finds All This Began In 1960 When A Straight White Man Refused To Get Vaccinated
Filed under Poems
Tennis: 15, Baseball: Love (Football 6 +1 or +2)
The people writing the baseball rulebook
Really wrote down things like:
“When you throw a ball and it isn’t a ball
But it doesn’t get hit it’s a strike.”
But the people who wrote the tennis book
Just smiled, or so says the lore,
When they revealed their brand new way
To calculate the score.
Filed under Poems
Still No Cure For Cancer Though…
Every minute of every day
72 hours of film is uploaded and sent
Onto Youtube, and yet still people say
“Why’s there no good new content?”
Filed under Poems
Why IT Folks Have The Best Job Security
You hear me say, you hear me holler:
“Another day, another dollar.”
My boss says hey, my boss says “So,
“We bought a bot. You got to go.”
So I reply, so I concur:
“I don’t know why, but I guess sure.”
Then I left with a smile, since
My boss bought the bot from a Nigerian prince.
Filed under Poems
Never Again
To my one and only who left me to cry
Just a month after love in the month of July:
I hope in my heart you are happy and well
Though I know I won’t see you again!
To the one whom I sang to by river and trail
Without even a thought that our kinship could fail:
I hope in my heart that you’re singing right now
With a voice I’ll hear never again!
To the one I confided in joy and in pain,
Whom I kissed on a bridge in the darkness and rain:
I hope in my heart that you’ll never be lonely
Though I’ll never caress you again!
To the heart that you broke that is healing tonight
I promise you’ll once again feel alright!
I hope you keep hoping and loving forever,
For hoping for love is a worthy endeavor,
And because you loved once you’ll be light as a feather
Even if you love never again!
Filed under Poems
When The Man Upstairs Is Protecting You Against The Dangers Of Premarital Sex
I like to imagine that somewhere in Heaven
God is fighting a war
To defend me from many females who’d do any
Thing to show me how they adore
All that I am. Yes, God is that great
That he beats women off with a stick
So I can be alone, never answer my phone…
Yes, faith in the Lord does the trick.
Filed under Poems
Thanks College!
Upon one hazy evening
Beneath the colored leaves
A poet kneels softly
And in the silence grieves.
Upon seeing this visage
A bright young student stands,
Walks towards the poet’s place
And with a screech demands
“Did you really write a poem
“That describes the leaves as ‘colored?’
“I find that language offensive
“And conclude you are a dullard!”
The poet still kneels softly
Beneath the not-green leaves,
And now you understand human stupidity
Which is why the poet grieves.
Filed under Poems
The Quickest Of Ego Boosts
If you’re feeling blue
Because Summer turned to Fall
Just change your name to Brandon
And learn to love football.
Filed under Poems
It’s Almost Like People Are Frustrated And Indifferent For Some Reason…
Anyone remember
When a conversation meant
You tell your partner what you like
And everywhere you went,
Your hopes and dreams and fantasies
And they reply with “K”?
You don’t, which makes me wonder
How we got to this today.
Filed under Poems
The Daily Travesty 