The whale, beached as it may be,
Still dreams of life upon the sea,
So ask not whence your velvet coat
And why ’twas pawned to buy a boat.
Just read my explanation note;
“Your dream. Sincerely, me.”
Category Archives: Poems
A Squirt Of Perspective
Slice of lemon in your glass?
That happens all the time,
But have you ever wondered why
It’s not a slice of lime?
The lighter-colored citrus fruits
Are served most frequently
Because climate change and racists.
That’s what half the people see.
The other half are shouting
That the lack of water-limes
Is thanks to the free-market
In these far-from-certain times
And that the pro-lime lobbyists
Will take your guns away
And so in lemon drinks we trust…
In Jesus’ name we pray.
Filed under Poems
I Want To Be A Journalist Now
Some folks say women and men.
Some say females and males.
I say:
Some lives have a destination.
Some lives are about the journey.
Some people like kisses.
Some people prefer hugs.
Some are busy writing:
Cooked Allah Mode
There is a mighty crater here
Where recently there wasn’t.
Ali-Baba said his bomb works
And I said “No it doesn’t.”
Ali-Baba sure was right.
Correct ’twas the hunch he had,
But he misread the bombs locale.
Thus ended his jihad.
The Vanishing Glass
They can trap us in their zoo
Behind their walls of glass
And teach us social boundaries
That we’re not allowed to pass,
Feed us just enough bad news
To keep our anger stoked
So we don’t see the sedatives
With which we’re being poked.
We the livestock draw the crowds
Of wealthy and elected
Whose power cries more loudly
Than the souls they have neglected.
They say they’ll cure our poverty
If they can have their way
Then toast with million dollar wine
And fly their jets away.
We watch the birds who fly outside
This zoo we somehow cherish.
We think that if we join them
We would starve or freeze or perish,
Yet the glass is not unbreakable
In our patron’s steel zoo.
Some of us still crave the sky
And so I ask: Do you?
When Your Eternal Soul Is An Introvert
Being human is great
But the best thing to be
Reincarnated as
(According to me)
Is the inside part
Of the roof of a home
‘Cause you aren’t at all sentient
And people leave you alone.
Filed under Poems
Buzzfeed Journalism
Everything in life worth knowing
Can be found in a hard-boiled egg.
If you don’t see how that’s possible
Your name probably isn’t Greg.
Filed under Poems
Is The Red Meat Yellow?
If you ever meet a cannibal
And it wants to eat your flesh
And you want to look less finger-lickin’ good
Then scream and cry and wail
‘Cause cannibals don’t like
The taste of chicken. Are we understood?
Filed under Poems
The Answer, At Last!
All the single ladies
Ask where all the good men went,
Dreaming of the good old days
When the six-foot-plus millionaires
Without egos or exes
Would contact them conveniently
And buy them stuff
All without leaving the house.
Meanwhile the six-foot-plus
Drama-free millionaires
Are in their basements
Roleplaying car thieves
And writing bad poetry blogs.
You’re welcome.
Filed under Poems
Adventures In Milk Purchasing
I am a human
Who lives in a place
Where food can be purchased to eat.
Some take that for granted,
Some think it’s a nuisance,
And I think it’s pretty darn neat.
But sometimes I wonder
About fellow shoppers
Who bought before I came along.
I used to think fondly
Of my fellow humans*
But now I have proof I was wrong.
*This is a lie, but the photo is real
The Daily Travesty 