Category Archives: Poems

June 6, 2018 · 10:23 am

You Pull Me Down (The Alcohol Song)

When my body is strong

And my conscience is clean,

When troubles flee

And there’s no pain to be seen

Then I sip you

And fade into the white noise

Until the darkness comes

And has its way with me.

You pull me down

So I can walk on water.

You pull me down

To kiss a killer bee.

I am loud

And damp and have a bee sting.

You pull me down

And show the real me.

Then I awake

And find my house is tattered,

My lampshade’s gone

And so’s my front door key

And on my arm

My blood says “Margueritte wuz here.”

I don’t know her

But I guess she knew me.

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June 5, 2018 · 6:29 pm

On Acceptable Mediocrity And Busy Schedules

When one cannot find the time

To come up with a clever rhyme

Or twist to end a bit of verse

One may perchance become terse.

One may then search and one may find

That a lousy poem they don’t mind,

That stuff can be bad yet still okay

And that’s the tale of my poem today!

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June 4, 2018 · 10:29 am

Ye Olde Goode Advice

If at first you don’t succeed

Run away with all due speed

For though thine courage shan’t be praised

From the dead thou needn’t be raised.

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June 3, 2018 · 10:37 am

Think Of All The TV I Missed Though…

The river softly calls my name,

The trees and wind applauding.

I wander in the wilderness

And smell the flowers nodding.

The sky’s a bright and cloudless blue

In the moment I lie down

And what was once a rocky hill

Becomes my granite crown.

I stay an hour or a year

Amidst the wild. I savor it.

We all are nature’s children

And mother nature has no favorite.

And thus I rest on brother grass

As sister blue jay sings

And laugh at those who seek to find

Their happiness in things.

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June 2, 2018 · 6:00 pm

Elton John Meets Dumbo

I’ve always been an ally

To animals and butterflies,

So I wanted to play piano

For the beasts. Never did I surmise

That tickling the ivories

Would, in fact, lead to my demise.

I thought it would be cute,

But the elephant thought otherwise.

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June 1, 2018 · 3:37 pm

Pokemon: When A Binder Becomes A Portfolio

He wanted to be the very best

Like no one ever was.

He played the games and bought the cards.

His reasoning? “Just ’cause.”

Now he travels across the land

Rich and fancy free

Because he sold old merchandise

To folks like you and me.

It took some courage along the way

To claim his rightful place;

His base set boosters unopened still

By some amazing grace

Kept up in value as time went on.

The prices didn’t fall

Because of middle class ’90s kids

Who had to catch ’em all.

And so for all the neopets

Forgotten in the cloud,

The baseball rookies who faded out,

The fads without a crowd

There rose among them a modern god,

Electric mouse and friends

That makes you money enough to buy

The very world we must defend.

That’s why I’m buying at Toys R Us

Instead of buying stock.

Who know what franchise will soon become

The next Pokémon or pet rock?

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June 1, 2018 · 3:15 pm

I’m Only A Little Salty About This Guest Poem by Katrina Ivers

Because you are a chemical

You don’t wear a size nine shoe

But you are so oft-forgotten

No one knows that but you.

We all worry so darn much about

Your friend Sodium’s consumption

We think you aren’t an important part

And that’s an erroneous assumption!

Why Sodium all on her own

Is a terribly temperamental sort

Prone to explosions when meeting water

So her friend Chloride we should court.

Alas most people barely passed

Their college chemistry classes

So by ignoring Chloride, friends,

We risk the explosion of our asses.

Are you bad enough to be a guest poet? Email me your work to find out! TheDailyTravesty@yahoo.com

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May 31, 2018 · 10:48 am

Please Move Progressively Somewhere Else

If you don’t like the country

In which you make your home

Then see the world as options

To the places you might roam.

And if you’re in a country

You dislike but can’t depart

You are in our prayers,

In our thoughts, and in our heart.

But if you can leave your country

And insult it while you stay

Then do us all a favor

And shut up or move away.

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May 30, 2018 · 12:43 pm

One More Time (Anatomy Of Pop)

I met you, romantic prospect,

At a facility frequented by listeners of this genre.

It was unrealistically perfect

To look upon ya.

Then I sang about nothing!

Then I sang the same nothing!

Then the same nothing again

One more time!

I mentioned your physical appearance

But also a personal detail

To convince listeners of this genre

That you, romantic prospect, are real.

Then I sang about nothing!

Then the exact same nothing!

Then a slightly lengthened version of the same nothing

(With backup singers)

One more time!

Then I sang again about nothing!

(Because choruses, yo)

Then again about nothing!

(Because choruses bro)

One more time about nothing!

(Yay radio…)

One more time!

Fade and repeat ad infinitum…

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May 29, 2018 · 9:55 am

Dating A CEO

I did some ideation

On the topic “you and me”

And I want to move the needle

To upgrade our synergy.

I figured I would reach out

And shift your paradigm

To show how being in my wheelhouse

Is an impactful use of time.

So let’s break through the clutter

Via disruptive innovation

And prepare mind share initiatives

Through casual conversation

And I hope that going forward

Thanks to holistic execution

This relationship of ours

Will have a win-win resolution!

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