A shiny new piano
Is a beauty to behold,
And music can bring life and warmth
Despite the rain and cold.
Every key and inch of wood
Brings harmony, dear reader…
Especially when dropped from the 60th floor
Onto the appropriate world leader.
Tag Archives: Poetry
Just Another Way Men Are Casually Oppressed
All the women who play video games
And complain about bikini armor
Never seem to complain about how
Swords and arrows never harm her,
But men are stuck with heavy armor
Instead of a chainmail thong
Because if men could wear female armor
They’d be unbelievably strong.
Filed under Poems
Hi God… Let’s Talk Retcons For A Sec
Every night I go to sleep
After a simple prayer
When I recall the Star Wars sequels
And wish they weren’t there.
Every day when I awake
My wish was not obeyed,
But someday soon we’ll see a world
In which only six were made…
Filed under Poems
Jasmine Is Not A Fan Of Arabian Heat
Mohammed had a magic carpet
That very ably flew;
It could go zero to sixty
In precisely 8.2
But Aladdin had a carpet
With a sunroof and AC
So the choice of who to date
Was obvious to me!
Filed under Poems
The Ballad Of Marshmellow, Pt. 116
There once was a belly-up cat
Whose entire body was made of fat.
He lay on his back,
Then with claws did attack
And then fell asleep just like that!
Filed under Poems
One Joke Too Far
I walked up to my teacher
When I was eight years old
And smiled widely and said this,
Or so I have been told:
“Why’d the agoraphobic sled dog
“Not eat the deluxe pizza on the floor?
“He was afraid of too much mush room.”
That’s why I don’t go to school anymore.
Filed under Poems
The Weaker Poetry Bloggers, One Year Into The Apocalypse… #Weak
‘Twas on a night near end of Spring
When I was asked to write a thing
Describing how the flowers bloomed
Even though humanity’s doomed.
“Roses are red“, so started my verse
“And violets are blue, unlike that hearse.”
And then I decided since I’d end up dead
To quit writing poems and play golf instead.
So wrote a lesser poet just days
Before he was eaten by the undead horde.
When apocalypse comes, I’ll struggle in ways
But never complain that, when writing, I’m bored.
Filed under Poems
Research Projects
Forsythia is a flower
Of the family oleaceae.
They’re pretty and they’re yellow
And they make me saeae
“Ooh, look at that forsythia!
“They’re of the order lamiales!”
Then I ask my mother
If she’ll cook me tamales.
Filed under Poems
Different Decade, Same Crap
It’s been exactly ten years today
Since I wrote my first post here:
May 28th, the fateful day,
2012 the fateful year.
Back then people were afraid
The Mayan calendar was done
And the world would finish with it
And nobody had fun.
If they looked ahead ten years
To life in 2022
They’d try to ask the Mayans
Why they didn’t follow through.
Filed under Poems
Things That Lasted Waaay Too Long
First there was Vietnam
Then the second gulf war…
Now I’m curious how many years
The Amber Heard trial goes for.
Filed under Poems
The Daily Travesty 