If we didn’t announce hurricanes
Just for a year or two
No one would die in a hurricane again.
Also, I’m fine. How ‘bout you?
Tag Archives: Poetry
Portland Rap
I asked a tranny dude if he wanted to fight,
‘Cause I figured “He ain’t got the balls, amiright?”
He said “No,” which is fine, but it got really weird
When his girlfriend came forward and I stepped on her beard.
I was going to write seven more verses, but I think you get the point…
Filed under Poems
Unstoppable Laughter
Middle school classroom:
All is quiet. Someone farts.
No learning today.
Filed under Poems
See Also: Ant Farms
Once upon a time, some guy
Said “I know what we need!:
“A kinda boring screensaver
“We also have to feed.”
All the other townspeople
Said “That’s as good as it gets,”
And they all went out to buy themselves
Some fish to keep as pets.
Filed under Poems
#Fitness
Cookies for breakfast,
Pizza for lunch,
Twelve donuts for dinner,
But I did one crunch!
Filed under Poems
Beauty Without Photoshop
Willow, willow, don’t you weep.
Just calm upon the Earth sit.
Your loveliness has but one name:
Arb’oreal: Because you’re worth it.
Filed under Poems
Why The White House Has Five Full-Time Chefs
I shouldn’t be the president
Because when I want a snack
I go to a take out restaraunt
And microwave it when I get back.
At first that won’t seem dangerous
Until my words are these:
“I’m feeling kinda hungry… hey!
“Why not nuke some Chinese?”
Filed under Poems
Why Ghosts Are Angry
Greg had no reason to live anymore
So he bought a rope and locked the door
And made a new necklace he tied to the roof
And fell to his death without uttering “oof.”
He opened his eyes and he looked all around
And saw his cadaver and angrily frowned;
Yes, he succeeded in becoming dead
But now he’s a ghost, and immortal instead.
Worse, now the tourists come hither and yon
For signs of the ghost of Greg, who is gone.
He’ll wail and shriek and pray for some help
But the tourists just cheer and write “Five stars” on Yelp.
If its deserved or not, no one can tell
But Greg lives forever in introvert Hell.
Filed under Poems
Judy Rhymes With Beauty…
People who don’t think gender is real
May have a change of heart
Depending on if the person who says
“Smell this” is named Judy or Bart.
Filed under Poems
Pyramids: Primeval Percussion Palaces
Before the phrase “More Cowbell”
Took the world by storm
Egyptians had a fever
And only could stay warm
By making a great replica
Of the instrument they’d dangle;
And they shouted in Egyptian
“I need some more triangle!”
Filed under Poems
