He showed us how to circumcise a redneck
In a way that none of us had done foresaw:
He found aforementioned redneck in his bedroom
Then kicked the redneck’s cousin in the jaw!
Tag Archives: Poetry
Unsung Legends
Hercules is strong
But what about Hiscules?
Bunch of sexist greeks…
Filed under Poems
She Likes Funny Men
She asked “You know what makes me smile?”
I said “Muscles in your face.”
She hasn’t smiled for a while
And says she Needs some space…”
Filed under Poems
A Vegetarian In Texas
I asked the waitress for tofu.
I thought that she was cute
Until she brought me a dildo
And said “Here’s your meat substitute.”
Filed under Poems
Sharing Is Caring
If your roommates are loud
And you want them to hush
Just say “Hey roomie,
“Where’d you put our toothbrush?”
Filed under Poems
We are the .0000000000000000000000000000000000000…1 percent
“My feelings matter”
Screamed the important human
And a few quadrillion cubic lightyears
Of hyper-intelligent space blobs
Smiled and reminisced
On when they thought the same thing.
Two or three universes away
The process repeated.
Filed under Poems
Coming Soon To A Campus Near You
What if there were a fairy tale
In which a handsome knight
Went off to save a princess
On his steed of pearly white
But when he leaned to kiss her
And woke her from her sleep
She turned into a zombie
And ate the patriarchal creep?
Filed under Poems
In Other Words, Nothing Alike
Life is like a romantic comedy
Except there’s more than one fat person in the world
And nobody finds love in an airport.
Filed under Poems
Las Story Es Mucho True
If you’re in Puerto Rico
And don’t know how to speako
Know this: The inglés
Is not spoke in the place
And they’ll probably think you’re a freako.
Filed under Poems
Goliath Is Overrated
What if you were the Ocean,
The giver of life?
The sun in the sky,
The opponent of strife?
How ’bout Abraham Lincoln,
The breaker of chains,
Or the guy who made aspirin,
Reliever of pain?
If you were a titan,
A hero to all
Would you waste your own life
‘Cause today you feel small?
So why open that bottle
Or play Russian Roulette
Just ’cause your inner titan
Hasn’t changed the world yet?
And if, on the off chance
You’re the non-titan type
You still have good reasons
To live without gripe:
Many a diamond
Began life as mere coal
And the smallest of molehills
Means the world to its mole.
Every flower must bloom,
Every river must flow.
It takes millions of light years
To see a star’s glow,
And your non-titan life
Is a life nonetheless.
Whose molehill will you be?
That’s anyone’s guess.
Filed under Poems
