Tag Archives: Politics

January 10, 2018 · 9:28 am

Seriously, Look It Up People!

Nixon heard of the Laffer curve

And thought it was a joke.

Reagan heard of the Laffer curve

And said “that’s why we’re broke!”

Obama heard of the Laffer curve

And asked “what did you smoke?”

Trump heard of the Laffer curve

And said “this is bigly woke!”

Most of you heard of the Laffer curve

For the first time just now,

You don’t know what it is

Or how it affects your chow.

So please look up the Laffer curve

So as to be better informed

And we can get to fixing

All the folks who’ve been social-normed.

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January 5, 2018 · 10:34 am

Somehow Rising Oceans Didn’t Show Up Either… Huh

29.34 percent of deaths

Were caused by heart disease.

23.04 were infections and

Parasitic causes (like fleas).

Cancer’s 12.49, stroke’s 9.66.

The next 20or so’s respiratory.

Then we get into small CoD’s

And a more interesting story:

War caused just .3 percent

Of death in recent times,

About the same as syphilis

And less than a third that of violent crimes.

More people died of tetanus

Than a decade of endless war.

You’ll more likely die of suicide

Than fighting on a distant shore.

And too low to show up,

Beneath .06 percent

I’m wondering where all the deaths

From firearm ownership went.

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January 3, 2018 · 5:40 pm

Political Philosophy 101

Sometimes a thought

Is not what it ought,

A fact that, alas, you can’t change.

But type it in bold

And voila! Behold

It’s still pointless, but I had you going for a while.

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December 19, 2017 · 9:26 pm

The History Of Feminism

Once there was an open sky,

Then the humans came on by.

They said “freedoms a pain in the ass,”

And thus were born kings and the ceiling of glass.

This order remained for centuries

Until the women said “ah jeez.”

They got mad and up they spoke

Until, at last, the ceiling broke.

Somewhere then along the line

When everything was going fine

The newly freed hankered for more

And so they made a new glass floor.

They made the men upon it stand

While together chicks did band

And told the men “call us lovely and dear

“And say we’re perfect, BUT BE SINCERE!”

And so the men did as they were tasked

And said the things the women asked,

But alas, that wasn’t good enough.

And so was born the third-wave stuff.

And now the men stand on a cracked glass floor.

One misstep and they’ll step no more.

This poem’s moral must be stressed:

Women are still the ones oppressed.

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December 14, 2017 · 12:40 pm

Egomaniacs Have Pronouns Too!

If you don’t want to hear

Someone say “him” or “her”

I’ll be okay

And I’ll probably say “sure.”

But why won’t you respect

My wishes when I

Ask to be referred to

As “thee most glorious and high?”

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November 16, 2017 · 9:43 am

The Best Sense Is Nonsense

The neighbor’s chihuahua

Is barking next door.

The children threw up

On the living room floor.

A road crew’s jackhammer

Is going to work

And the top trending hashtags

Are #MeToo and #Twerk.

The wife is yelling

That the kids won’t be quiet.

The kids say “it’s Trump’s fault”

And he doesn’t deny it.

And in this glorious moment

That, to you, might seem stressful

I begin to know why

Helen Keller was so successful.

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September 25, 2017 · 9:48 pm

The Kaepernick Song

I say you can kneel if you wanna

Before you play behind the line,

But if your political stance

Draws an unpopular glance

Then you’ll be on no team of mine!

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August 31, 2017 · 8:08 pm

Political Commentary < Forced Cheese Puns

When all was young

In the beginning

There was a big cheese

And we called it a king.

But the cheese was too big

For the peasants’ humble stomachs.

Though they had many plans

The situation continued to flummox.

So they cut up the king,

(Figuratively, of course)

And imposed their own rule

Through riot-based force.

Instead of a king

Who can do as he pleases

They had a republic

Of many smaller cheeses.

Yes, the peasants were the first

Of the modern free-staters.

They made cheeses smaller

And, thus, the cheese grater.

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August 8, 2017 · 12:41 pm

Dear Internet: Why The Exception?

You can’t mock someone ’cause they’re fat,

Ugly, stupid, stuff like that.

You can’t make jokes about a race

(At least not to somebody’s face).

You can’t gay-bash, slut-shame, or mock

The way one laughs or thinks or talks.

But you can defame or spew hate at

Those with neckbeards or a fedora hat.

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July 10, 2017 · 12:49 pm

I Am The Paladin Of Unpopular Opinions: Hear Me Speak Semi-Audibly 

I hate to say, but modern times

Have brought to bear such modern crimes

As the thought that changing what we call bad things

Will make them fly away on silver wings.

Amidst PC culture’s genital diminution  

I seek to find an ancient solution

Because I doubt folks in Pompeii

Said “That eruption’s a hot social event for the end of your day!”

Some say the truth will set you free,

That the ultimate good is reality.

I like to think those things are true,

But no one told the local SJW.

So I’ll just be honest on this, my blog

To cut through society’s “minimally exceptional” fog.

And if you get offended by hearing what’s true

I bet there’s a polite alternative name out there for you.

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