Blair Walsh missed three tries tonight.
He didn’t have a choice.
The fans will go home sobbing,
But Mighty Casey will rejoice.
Tag Archives: Postaday
Yours Truly Goes To A Restaurant
Whether you like mozzarella
Or “anything, as long as its yella”
If you say thank-a-you and please
Then come on down and have some cheese!
We’ve got cheese from cows and goats,
From naked sheep and sheep with coats,
From pigs and deer and even moles.
How much? Bowls and bowls and bowls!
It tastes like heaven. You can check!
It makes the hairs stand on your neck.
And if you melt it… oh, where to begin!
Oh, wait, sorry… you’re vegan…
Filed under Poems
Jumping For Joy?
They said: Let go your sorrows,
Let go all your regrets,
Let go your fear of failure,
Your worries and your debts.
For a while I was happier
As you probably have seen.
Next time I’ll release my stress
After I leave the trampoline.
Filed under Poems
The Night Club
‘Twas deep in the evening,
Way the heck into night.
Unlit things were dark
And dark things weren’t light.
It was nothing like morning,
Like super late afternoon,
And she’s talked like this all evening
And I hope this date ends soon.
Filed under Poems
Mr. Infallible and the Plague of Other People
In a very distant city
In some un-noteworthy land
There stood a shabby little shack
Which housed the one all-knowing man.
The man was very happy
Because he knew how to be so,
Yet he had a common problem
And away it would not go.
The problem he experienced
Was, despite his knowing all
The people who surrounded him
Would never heed his call.
A wolf would eat a neighbor,
A child would lose its way;
To the second he’d predict these
Yet the man still had no say.
He knew of no solution
And, knowing all, he knew no hope
So he lived a life of nothing
As a shack-dwelling all-knowing dope.
Yet the answer to his problems
Had been with him all along.
‘Twas the one thing he could not accept…
That, maybe, he was wrong.
Filed under Poems
The Real Darkness Approaches…
Once a year we celebrate
The gruesome and bizarre,
The stuff that gives clowns nightmares
And makes wolves hide under cars.
We make light of the horrific,
Let go the values we hold dear…
We call this celebration “tax day”
And it’ll come in half a year.
Filed under Poems
Meanwhile, Sales Of Potato Peelers Among Vengeful Ex-Lovers Skyrocket
You ask me how I got these cars.
I say “at the Chevy dealer.”
Then I realize you said “scars”
And I say “potato peeler.”
I now know two things very well:
I look like an evil clown
And local sales of Chevrolets
Are going to go way down.
Filed under Poems
That’s Pronounced “She-it”
Apparently my teachers were wrong
And there aren’t boys and girls.
Turns out gender is “representational,”
Or so the new story unfurls.
Seeing that sex doesn’t matter
To whether you’re he, she, or other
I think we need a singular pronoun
That applies equally to one another.
In the past we were male and female
And likewise called he or she.
Apparently the gender-neutral
Is also important, so they tell me.
So I have an unbiased option
To represent them, me, and you:
We can just say humans are SHeIt.
It has all three pronouns, and also is true!
Filed under Poems
*With The Exception Of A Few (You Know Who You Are), This Was More A Matter Of Finding A Proper Rhyme Than Actual Disrespect
I respect dumbells.
They have a valuable job.
By lifting them up we grow stronger
Faster than eating corn on the cob.
I don’t respect bad drivers
And people from Northeastern states*.
I suggest we rename them “dumbells”
And call dumbells “single-hand weights.”
Filed under Poems
The Daily Travesty 