I saw her and yelled to her “Hey!”
Then I asked “those legs go all the way?”
Then I thought “what the heck?”
‘Cause her legs met her neck
Which I noticed as she walked away.
Tag Archives: Silly
And You Can Help By Buying My Books! (For Art’s Sake)
If I make a million dollars
Writing poetry some day
I’ll buy a bunch of bushes
And cut them in a way
That they’re shaped like women
Who don’t like 50 Shades of Grey
Because we all need a bit more
Of those in our lives, eh?
Filed under Poems
The Philosopher’s Counterpart
He who has wisdom
Is worthy of praise,
Yet wise men do not need such admiration.
He of fit body
Needs less caution of dainties,
Yet to seek them is not his preoccupation.
He of good spirits
Will enjoy entertainments,
But he who needs them is not the said man
So I’ll enjoy the praise, dainties,
Entertainments for them,
Happily serving as only I can.
Filed under Poems
True Love? Oh Baby!
I saw her in a Pampers ad
During some mindless family show.
I’d not ’til then fallen in love
But that’s the way things go.
I loved the sunshine in her hair,
The drool upon her chin,
The way the super-absorbency
Accented her alabaster skin.
I called the network, desperately
Seeking to find her name
But I couldn’t connect with anyone.
My only other option? Fame!
I scored a role in a ketchup ad,
Then became a multi-roler
When I starred as the kid who modeled
The Cadillac B-90 Stroller.
I was the hottest babe in Hollywood,
Beloved for being small,
Yet still I’d not connected with her
For whom I’d done it all.
And so my heart goes on and on,
Never to bestill.
I pray I’ll play beside her,
The Jack unto her Jill.
Until that fateful future day
I spend my nights alone,
Just me and my beloved
Via Youtube on my phone.
Filed under Poems
Summertime In Washington State
When in the Summer
Humid, hot,
You’re AC’s working…
Wait, it’s not.
You’re sweating, panting,
Hope has died,
Your thoughts have turned
To homicide…
My days are filled
With thoughts like these.
Can you believe
It’s 78 degrees?
Filed under Poems
East/West > North
When I grow up
I’ll be famous and rich,
Just like the writer
Of “Lilo and Stitch.”
I’ll be a performer
Or some type of magnate.
I’ll be a leader, a champion…
It’ll be great!
Growing up’s so exciting
I’m just ready to burst!
On the other hand, maybe
I’ll grow sideways a bit first…
Filed under Poems
Stanzas 2, Thought 0
When I moved into
The mobile home park
I thought my life
Was turning dark,
But I found pleasure
As I sought paying labors
In the form of melo-
Dramatic neighbors.
If you say “hello”
They say “Hail traveler!”
You say “I like Charizard,”
And they say “I love Graveler!”
It’s like they’re in a movie,
So although my life’s a failure
I take solace in the fact
They’re a theatrical trailer.
Filed under Poems
Post First-Date Form Letter V 1.0
In fair Verona, long ago
Lived fair Juliet and her Romeo,
Two kids who, about each other, raved
And whom better communication skills could have saved.
For in a land where alchemists
Can make you look dead if your parents are pissed
Informing your partner of your choice to partake
In such a substance is a wise choice to make,
But neh! Knowing better, the 15 year old
Pair of lovers thought the others needn’t be told.
And thus was a theatrical masterpiece born
To suffice in an era with no access to porn.
This is why I didn’t call;
I just want our love to conquer all.
Filed under Poems
Never Thought I’d Miss “Does This Dress Make Me Look Fat?” But Alas…
“If I were a pickled spleen
Kept in a jar for 30 years
Charged with electrical current
In a chamber full of your darkest fears,
Then released from the jar on a Sunday
And carried overseas by some birds
To attend celebrations in Istanbul
Would you still kiss me afterwards?”
Filed under Poems
Nice Weather For Post-Commute Shenanigans
The air was warm and friendly,
The sun a gentle golden light,
And the dirt was easily shoveled
Upon the corpse of the guy who passed me on the right.
Filed under Poems
The Daily Travesty 