Tag Archives: Bad

September 16, 2018 · 8:01 pm

In Case You’d Forgotten

Back in the Western USA

In 1800 somethin’

A couple cowboys realized

Their hearts, they were a thumpin’.

The cowboys had been life long friends

And though they both were male

They rode to Brokeback Mountain

And they gave up on the trail.

Yodel-oodle-yodel-adle-yodel-addle-ee!

Yodel-oodle-yodel-adle-odel-sodomy!

We used to have some cowboys

To protect our town from raids,

But now we have to check

Our cowboy guardians for AIDS!

They use to be quick to the draw

But now they have more fun

With the sheathing than the drawing

Of their aforementioned gun!

Yodel-oodle-yodel-adle-yodel-addle-ee!

Yodel-oodle-yodel-adle-odel-sodomy!

One cowboy found his saddle’s

Grown less comfortable with time. He

Found this was the case

Unless their romance they would stymie.

But the cowboys needed horses

Like they found they needed lasses

And they replaced their ponies

With one another’s (whoaaa!)

Yodel-oodle-yodel-adle-yodel-addle-ee!

Yodel-oodle-yodel-adle-odel-sodomy!

Yodel

Oodle

Yodel

Adel

Odel

Soooooooo…

Doooooooo…

Myyyyyyyyyyyyyyy!

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September 15, 2018 · 10:41 am

😎 and 🦑 are 🥇 right now

We’ve seen names with apostrophes

And names that lack a vowel.

We have seen surnameless names

Like Retta, Link, and Farrel.

We’ve seen whatever Prince’s name

Had been known as previously.

I just hope I get to be the first

To name a kid with an Emoji.

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September 14, 2018 · 11:15 am

Irony Is Also Human…

Poems are like people

By which I mean to say

Occasionally you laugh at them

But also wish they’d go away.

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September 13, 2018 · 10:36 am

The Problem With Quotes

Just because a wise man said it

Doesn’t make it wise.

A wise man says “No bacon for me,”

But, plot twist! He eventually dies.

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September 12, 2018 · 6:34 pm

100% True

This poem is like

A blue-footed booby:

It makes some people laugh

And won’t have any significant impact on your life…

Shadooby.

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September 11, 2018 · 5:44 pm

Oligarchy Elementary Is Accepting New Students

I beg your pardon

For I mean to yap at thee

My case for nonconsensual

Reallocation of apathy,

For were we to allow

Our youth to expand

Their range of beliefs

We’d soon lose command

Of the best and the brightest

And the dullards alike.

Though the latter don’t argue

The former’d take a hike

And should free-thinkers see

All the ways we have lied…

Well, that is a notion

We must not abide.

Thus we must imprison

(At least to an extent)

Those who’ve not yet reached

The age of consent

And proceed to tell them

Facts they will ignore

To distract from the world

That they long to explore.

We’ll teach them arithmetic,

Reading, and writing

But most of all that

There is no need for fighting

For if each one resisted

Each oppressive foe

Then our script would be flipped

We, the high, become low.

Thus state education

In all things miscellaneous

Shall ensure that our underlings

Are not extemporaneous.

Thus closes my pitch

For public education.

We overlords live

Thanks to school’s misdirection.

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September 10, 2018 · 7:36 pm

Kilts, On The Other Hand, Are Amazing

Shorts are the least sexy

Item of clothing

A human can possibly wear,

Beating out Birkenstocks,

Codpieces, bandanas,

And even trench coats made of hair.

I see Lady Gaga

Wear a dress of raw meat

And I think “Well, I guess it’s okay.”

But if I see your knees

And you’re not in a skirt

Then you’ve probably ruined my day.

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September 9, 2018 · 8:35 pm

But People With Pet Spiders…

If you have a snake for a pet

I think it’s a pretty safe bet

That you have one or two kidneys.

You thought this would end differently?

How judgmental can you get?

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September 8, 2018 · 5:35 pm

Don’t Piss Off A Nurse

If one’s life relies upon

The lungs of an automaton

Prudence dictates to be couth

With the medical attendant youth.

Everything can be made worse

When dealing with a jilted nurse

So to those on life support:

Life’s long unless your temper’s short.

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September 7, 2018 · 12:05 pm

Poems So Dark They Probably Stole Your Bike

If a child can decide to be

A gender they weren’t born,

Can know their sexual preferences

Then, honestly, I’m torn…

I think that future pedophiles

In elementary school

Might worry about fitting in

(And I don’t mean being cool).

——————————————————–

I once dated a Japanese girl.

When we broke up I tried to be nice.

She didn’t understand the first time

So I had to drop the bomb twice.

——————————————————–

I asked a guy in a wheelchair

“Who’s your favorite actor.”

The guy replied “Christopher Reeve.”

He asked me “Who’s yours?”

I said “Christopher Walken,”

And then the guy asked me to leave.

——————————————————–

One more joke for this morning,

And this one’s as good as it gets:

Who are Iraq’s athletic heroes?

That would be the ’01 New York Jets.

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