It would be nice if living were easy.
A life without pain would be grand!
Imagine that life, so sweet and delightful,
Where nothing is worthless or bland.!
I think of that life, where perfect is doable
Then I awake with a start
And go face a day that is average and gray
But hold the dream close in my heart.
Filed under Poems
Yesterday I wrote a joke
And thought I’d write more later.
By later I had decomposed
Into a couch potater.
From the fact ai wrote “potater”
I suspect that you can see
This week has not inspired
My most vibrant artistry.
So tonight I have a fallback
That I’ve used in ages past
Where I write a bit on writing
And use words like “grand” and “vast.”
I make questionable decisions
And lines with uneven meter,
And rap up the inanity
By rhyming with saltpeter.
Filed under Poems
Harvey Weinstein, Pablo Escobar, and Joe Biden walk into a bar.
The bartender says, “Let me guess… you want me to put it in my body or I’ll never work again?”
Filed under Uncategorized
Whether we walk by the mountains or sea
We consider ourselves on the ground,
But the birds and the fish far below disagree
And render the notion unsound.
The birds up above sing to each other
Of how humans choose not to fly,
Enjoying the feeling that comes from remaining
Always at the bottom of “sky.”
The fish and the whales and coral and seals
Think of our waterless place
As one way a heaven, in other ways hell,
Just as we humans must think of space.
We are at the apex, we are at the bottom,
All trapped by the pull of a star.
To some we are Gods, to others we’re vermin
And I’m just content that we are.
Filed under Poems
When was the last time a stranger
Whispered something in your ear,
Whether something that was naughty
Or perhaps a secret fear,
Saying something so important
That they risked becoming near
To share with you a datum
Only you were fit to hear?
If you’ve never given quiet
I think you ought to try it.
Filed under Poems
When I was five years old I thought
That I was pretty strong
Until I tried to lift my dad
And found out I was wrong.
When I was fifteen I figured
That I was pretty suave
Until I learned that suave’s a word
That doesn’t rhyme with “shave.”
When I was twenty five I thought
That I was pretty smart
Until I turned my car key
And the engine didn’t start.
And I suspect at thirty five
And forty five and older
The things I saw in my mind’s eye
I’ll see as a beholder.
I just hope at ninety
Or whenever death will dial
I’ll remember all the times I erred
Then look ahead and smile.
Filed under Poems
I’m reading a book recommended to me
By a woman whom I once adored.
I’m reading, avoiding inviting the world
For the world leaves me feeling ignored.
I make friends with a spider I’m terrified of
Who lives on my white bedroom wall;
I know he deserves life as much as I do
Even though he is creepy and small.
I’m wearing soft clothing, lying and waiting
And writing a poem in bed,
Remembering over and over forever
The words that I felt and I said.
I’m hearing the lawnmower, water through pipes,
The cars on the road passing by
Destined to be somewhere other than here
And I can’t help my wondering why.
Why is the grass not allowed to be growing?
Why must the spider bring fear?
Why do the people drive quickly to elsewhere
When they know they will end up back here?
Why do I care for an author’s opinion?
Why can’t I love people less?
All I can do is get up and keep smiling
And be me: a beautiful mess.
Filed under Poems
Last year we learned about a cold
That you can’t tell if you’ve got
So the only logical thing to do
Is mandate a mystery shot
That does not stop the spreading
Or the catching of diseases
Because, after all, our liberty
Is whatever our overlord pleases.
Just because it caused a clot
That killed my uncle Stu
Doesn’t mean it isn’t something
Everyone must do!
So why not be a good little sheep
And get your Covid shot?
And if you do in the next 12 hours
We’ll give you some free pot!
Filed under Poems
In the future, little kids
Will visit their Grandma’s houses
And bring along 3D-printed candy
And all four of their spouses
And in between rounds of “Doom 35”
Grandma will tell the tale
Of how when she was a little boy
It was hip to say “epic fail.”
Filed under Poems
Just about everyone has asked “What’s the meaning of life.”
Just about everyone has learned the answer.
What got lost was that they weren’t asking the right question
And the right question is:
“Have I ever been unhappy?”
If you say “no,” then you apparently know the meaning of life already
But just about everyone says “Yes, I’ve been unhappy.”
And the right question continues:
“Have I ever been happy?”
And if you say “no” then you need to keep reading
But just about everyone says “Yes, I’ve been happy.”
And the right question continues:
“So what happened that made you change
“From being unhappy to being happy?”
There are many answers to this question
And just about all the answers are correct:
When you were born and became distinct from mother, you were unhappy
And when mother held you you were happy
And so the meaning of life is to be held and loved.
When you were scared and confused and lost, you were unhappy
And when you got comfort, knowledge, direction you were happy
And these too are the meaning of life.
When you were sad, you laughed.
When you were alone, you fell in love.
When you were hungry you ate.
When you were tired you slept.
When you couldn’t go on, you kept going.
Every single time you’ve been unhappy you did something joyful.
Every time you were hopeless you hoped one more time
And when you couldn’t, the universe gave you hope from outside yourself.
The meaning of life is about becoming happy
And if you’re happy you can’t become happy.
Life is the opposite of unhappiness
And so happiness is life.
If you are unhappy, you are alive,
If you are happy, you are living,
And when you make your final choice in this life, choose to be happy again
Because just about everyone can.
Filed under Poems
The Daily Travesty 