This evening we sit
In memory of
A weekend that
We came to love.
‘Twas two days long,
Five days too short.
Why’s there no satisfying
Single player sport?
Tag Archives: Short
Wherein A First-Time Internet Dater Realizes Honesty Is Overrated
I have no ambition,
Motivation, manly vigor.
I have very little money
And just three inches down there.
I wish I were more macho,
Richer, smarter, or just bigger
But your ad said if I’m honest
Then you really couldn’t care.
Filed under Poems
How I’m About To Meet Your Mother… Or Big Chad, The Inmate
As if unprompted, she said
“I am not a chair! Don’t sit on me!”
I’m not inclined to sit on strangers
But now I kind of want to see…
Filed under Poems
Play To Your Outs
If I played a chess game
With some super-intelligent flies
I think I’d probably win
On account of superior size.
Filed under Poems
The Present Present Is Presented By Presence
Your presence
Is like the absence
Of a present
Of being absent.
That’s how I feel
Which is to say
Your absence is a present
So please go away.
Filed under Poems
Lullaby For A Cynical Man-Child
Grizzly bear
Sitting there
Playing with
My ex-wife’s hair.
He seems happy.
She seems dead.
Yes I’m morbid.
Now, off to bed.
Filed under Poems
Self-Discovery, The Very-Old Fashioned Way
If I were a trilobite
I’d be very lonely.
I’d go on trilodate.com
But I’d find myself only.
I’d be alone through every night
And have very little fun.
But I realize I don’t know what I trilobite is
And also that I just might be one.
Filed under Poems
I Had An Idea And I Ran With It… Please Don’t Sue Me
I read a headline today
About some medical supplements
Who killed a baker’s apprentice.
I couldn’t help but say “oh boy.”
What else can you say
When you read in the paper
A headline that says
“Pills bury dough boy.”
Filed under Poems
Also, I Seem To Be Getting Smaller…
I look like a million bucks
Which really, REALLY sucks:
I’m paper thin
With off-green skin
And my value’s always in flux.
Filed under Poems
Questionable Pickup Line #473
If you see a girl you like
And say to her “my name is Mike”
Then it’d be a real shame
If that weren’t your real name.
Filed under Poems
