Tag Archives: Truth

Back When Some Men Weren’t Rapists

I remember yesterday

When to look at someone was okay,

When an elbow or a shoulder touch

Didn’t mean nearly so much.

I remember yesterday

When a compliment would make her day,

When “you look nice” was not a slur

When casually said by him to her.

I remember yesterday

When a man held doors and asked to pay,

When a bit of gentle care

Was not met with a dour glare.

I remember yesterday

When a guy could idly say

“What’s your number?” and not fear

Her screaming “rape” for all to hear.

So if you remember yesterday

In the aforementioned way

And know its loss would lead to sorrow

Let’s keep the past in mind tomorrow.

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Nothing Good Stems From Small Talk… Get It? Stems?

I think I know why plants don’t speak

And the reason is this:

They cannot pronounce the word

“Photosynthesis.”

My other hypothesis

For why speech is elusive

Is that plants are politically moderate

(But evidence is inconclusive).

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What He Does Have Are A Very Particular Set Of Skills… Skills He Has Acquired Over A Very Long Career…

He’s an average Joe

Except for really rotten luck

And in a single setting

For the whole film he’ll be stuck

While he tries to save his family

From a grand conspiracy

‘Cause that’s what folks’ll pay to see

Liam Neeson do!

He seems to only star in films

Whose titles start with “the,”

Except of course for Schindler’s List

And Taken 1, 2, 3.

He’s a frequent award nominee

For both his movies and TV

Which shows that people love to see

What Liam Neeson do!

His six-foot-four-inch figure

Makes all women want to burst.

He’s never died (‘xcept in the Star Wars

That used to be the worst).

So if you go to see a show

Then you should already know

The feats he’ll do (and in slow-mo)

To show off more his manly glow

And yet somehow we still all go…

To see what Liam Neeson do!

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I Respect These Hypothetical Natives

Somewhere where the roaring wind

Can give the snow a gentle lift

A solitary wolf begins

To sing the music of Taylor Swift.

And the natives nearby lie awake

Roused by the song from their nap

And pray the wind will roar even louder

To drown out the wolf ’cause who needs that crap?

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Death Metal Groupies

Just because your singing voice

Sounds like Jabba the Hutt

Imitating Bryan Adams

Gargling a cigarette butt

Run in slow-motion backwards

Mixed with satanic chants

And is voted less favorably

Than being bitten by ants

Doesn’t mean I don’t want to

Get into your pants.

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Not Racist, Just Comfy

I find it funny that those who fought

For an inclusive ideology

Now think that those with “normal” thoughts

Owe outsiders apologies,

That those who culturally kill their kind

Are morally superior

To those who really do not mind

If you’re black, a chick, or queerier,

That while we wear our pale skin

And external genitalia

If we don’t call these things a sin

Then somehow you think we failed ya.

But I’m content and keen to keep

My straight white male role.

My life I live, my crops I reap

In a neighborhood safe to stroll.

So if you wave your protest signs

They’ll not change how I see.

You will not find me cryin’

Because I know it’s fine to be me.

So please don’t give me an earful.

I’m happy being cheerful.

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Revenge

When you advocate

That slaves may chain tyrants,

That those who’re offended

May harm those who speak freely,

That hatred is evil

Unless evil you hate

Then forgive my cocked eyebrow

And my skeptical “really?”

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That’s All He Had Time For

Today we bury the body of Joe

Who lived to 108.

He read the terms and conditions

And thus he is “the late.”

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Well, It’s Skinny, White, And Smells Good (If That’s Your Type)

I think a dentist’s love

For dental floss is overstated.

I mean, sure, it cleans your teeth

But would you really want to date it?

—————————————————–

Unsatisfied with today’s love poem?

So was my last girlfriend.

Unlike her, you can inspire me to create something valuable and non-toxic by checking out my Patreon

Also Marvin, if you ever become a woman again, call me!

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I’ve Looked At Actual Books And Faces In The Meantime

Two weeks ago I left behind

A big part of my life…

And I don’t speak of small stuff

Like a job, a church, a wife…

I left behind the means by which

Most others at me look,

By which I mean the platform

That we know as the Facebook.

And since I stepped away from it

I noticed there’s a sky,

I haven’t heard “impeach Trump”

Nor been annoyed by those who try,

I haven’t argued even once

Or leered at female friends

And my days are nine hours longer

And I don’t care whom that offends.

My IQ’s jumped twelve points so far.

I may have lost some weight.

I talked a bit with strangers

At the bus’s boarding gate.

I went outside three times this week

And didn’t feel lame

And though some folks may still hate me

I don’t comment on their blame.

So overall un-pluggedness

(Or less-pluggedness if we’re honest)

Has made me ever happier,

Less pale, and a bit more modest.

Now instead of saying

“Here’s how my life should be”

To friends I haven’t seen in years

Now I can just be me!

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