Alex Trebek said “It’s used to indicate
“A person or object in the speaker’s sight.”
Bewildered, I asked “What is that?”
And it turns out I was right.
Tag Archives: Travesty
Especially If Her Name Is Daisy
My favorite flowers are daisies.
My favorite black president is Obama.
My favorite meal and my favorite animal
Both are the same: They’re yo’ mama.
Filed under Poems
A Pun Not Worth It’s Setup
I jumped in a pool
And grabbed a flotation device,
But that floating noodle
Turned out to be lead.
I don’t know
How it managed to fool me
But, thanks to that impasta
Now I am dead.
Filed under Poems
Also, Just Kinda Gross
They asked me to hold up
Fermented canola, you see.
I refused the order…
Sounds like supporting rapeseed culture to me.
Filed under Poems
Concrete Washington: Folk Hero (Or Just Denzel’s Brother)
Indiana Jones was a big success
(Until 2008).
You have to wonder if similar names
Would enjoy a similar fate
Like Alaska Round, detective
Or Iowa Guysummoney?
Idaho Youhadhertoo?
Would people find these funny?
Kansas state thing be abused
Or must we resort to towns
Like Helena -West Helena Johnson
Or, better yet, Cleveland Brown?
Filed under Poems
The Best Video Game Story Since Tetris
I lived in a two-story house.
The upper floor was mine.
I told my mom “I’m moving out.”
She said “you’re 10, so that’s fine.”
I tried to leave my little town
But an old man happened to see
And called “don’t go into the grass.”
Then ordered “follow me!”
I walked back with him to his lab
Where he forgot his grandson’s name
And gave me a living vegetable
That some people think is lame.
The old guy’s grandson challenged me
To a battle without gore
And I showed the power of friendship
Via my brand-new bulbasaur.
From that point on my journey
Is a blur of fallen foes
From Brock, Misty, and zubats
To a couple missingnos.
Somehow grandson Noname
Was always a step ahead
But I met him in Vermillion
And made his Raticate dead.
Then I beat organized crime,
Filled an encyclopedia,
Became the champion of the world
Without even leech-seeding ya’.
I am in fact the very best
So between you and me
I think the secret to success
Is skipping puberty.
Filed under Poems
Thus Was Born A PhD
The problems with school are many
But the primary lamentation
Is that the methodology
Lacks invigorating implementation.
Instead of “teaching math”
We could promote symbolic logic.
Instead of “reading textbooks”
Let’s devour tomes-pedagogic.
Instead of “learning new words”
Let’s rejuvenate the vernacular.
It’s these zeitgeist-alterations
That would make school more spectacular.
Filed under Poems
But Both Are Equally Boring When Presented By The Intellectual Elite
I questioned the need
For vagina monologues.
Why we needed them was a mystery.
Then I realized
That the penis dialogues
Was basically just all of history.
Filed under Poems
You Didn’t Eat Your Broccoli, Thus…
Satan wants to eat your soul for breakfast.
Yeah, that’s a thing that Satan wants to do.
His mouth’s already watering
At the prospect of slaughtering
That tasty human spirit that is you!
Satan wants to eat your soul for breakfast.
I heard him to his Mrs. Satan say
“Hey, why don’t you and me go
“Have some eggs and Human Ego
“As a nutritious snack to start the day!”
Satan has a hunch
That it’s too soon for lunch
And, by that logic, also too soon for dinner.
But they don’t sleep-in in Hell
And to start his day off well
You are the perfect portion size of sinner!
(Everybody)!
Satan wants to eat your soul for breakfast.
He wants to fill his belly with your Id.
I hope you’ve read your Dante
‘Cause you’re what Satan wants. Hey!
That’s what you get for being a naughty kid!
Thus, Words With Friends
I figured I could dabble
In championship Scrabble.
Then he played “Krypterqu”
For 502.
Now I just play with the rabble.
Filed under Poems
The Daily Travesty 