Humans are stupid,
But that’s not a poem.
This line is filler.
Humans are so dumb.
Tag Archives: Funny
Honestly, Get your Suffixes Straight!
If feminism means “go women”
And humanism means “people are good”
Then racism means “yay fast people,”
Or at least it should.
Filed under Poems
This Wasn’t Covered In The Dossier…
I wonder if spies
Get to choose their codename…
I mean, “Stallion” is great
But “Gelding” is lame,
And for every Thunder,
Placebo, and Drake
There’s a Lumbar, a Bubba,
A Plumpy, a Rake.
If anyone who spies
Is reading this… yo!
Give me a shout out
‘Cause I wanna know.
It’s very important
For my future end.
Thanks for your help!
(P.S Writing for a friend)
Filed under Poems
The Pleasures Of Working With Children
I didn’t know that hair could ache,
Just how much snot a nose can make,
How badly belly-buttons burn,
But today I guess I get to learn!
Filed under Poems
The Lord Of The Rings
A while ago
There was a guy
Who dreamed of being
A fiery eye.
We don’t know why
He felt the need,
But we know that
He did succeed.
The problem with
Old fire-eye’s plot
Is that what he wanted
Others did not,
And so he hid
His power away
So after his death
He’d still be okay.
He put that power
In a magical ring
That got stolen by
A greedy king,
And that repeated
Several times
Through fire and snow
And temperate climes.
Then one day
Some fishing midgets
Found that ring
And asked “what ij it?”
One said “mine!”
The other said “no!”
And so the midgets
Came to blows.
The winning midget
Became a beast
Who hid in a cave
Eating Fancy Feast
Until more midgets
Came along,
Stole the ring,
And sang a song.
A few years later
There was peace
And the ring’s new owner’s
Male niece
Got the ring
As a birthday gift,
Met some elves,
And got a lift
To Rivendell
Where it was decided
Fire-eye’s ego
Had the land divided
And that the only
Thing to do
Was to break the ring
Of you-know-who.
The elves said that
The ring must be laid
In the Mordorian lava
In which it was made.
The dwarf said
“That’s a lot of work,”
Hit the ring with his axe
And looked like a jerk.
So midgets and co.
Went on a quest,
They got betrayed
And left the rest,
Wandered alone
To the volcano of doom
Where the trolls and orcs
Drummed “boom, boom, boom.”
While they did
The men, dwarves, and elves
Fought three hours of orc wars
All by themselves,
Had a romantic subplot
With the long-lost human heir
And the elven princess
With the CGI hair.
By now midgets passed fire-eye’s
Most fiery gazes
Then the ring-bearing midget
Had just one of his dazes,
Turned to his friend,
Said “No Sam! The ring’s mine,”
Then dumbass lost his finger
And it all turned out fine.
Filed under Poems
College Life (AKA the Sin Inn)
When you give a kid a scholarship
To live away from home
Where kids are doing naughty stuff
The “scholar” says “when in Rome!”
And thus begins the dorm life,
Debauchery, and boozing,
Where pipes are not for water
And beds are not for snoozing,
Where you can study english,
Philosophy, or anthropology
But still spend evenings studying
The opposite sex’s biology.
Mom and Daddy pay for this,
So you can unguiltily be bad
And get a job at Wendy’s
While not getting shot by Wendy’s Dad.
All this pleasure comes to you
For only a few hundred K of loans,
So send your applications now!
(That or just play on your phones).
Filed under Poems
And, Somewhere, A Naked Professor Sheds A Tear Over His Sushi And Immediately Regrets It…
If wishes were fishes
We’d eat way more trout,
If thoughts were diplomas
We’d have much more clout,
If logic were clothing
We’d mostly be nude,
But if teardrops were onions
We’d really be screwed.
Filed under Poems
High Noooooo Thank You!
He strode into town,
A wayfaring stranger,
His haunting black eyes
An invitation to danger.
The gun on his belt
Had been recently shot.
“Seems like a bit
“Too much trouble,” I thought.
So as he turned left
And hitched up his horse
I turned to the right
And continued that course
‘Til I got to the city
And started to grin
Knowing that was a Western
I wouldn’t be in.
Filed under Poems
The Daily Travesty 