Some Americans on food stamps
Are demanding food for pets,
‘Cause “pets are more than something that you own.”
I say cut the stamps
And let Lady eat the tramps…
Save money and kill two birds with one stone!
Tag Archives: Life
College Life (AKA the Sin Inn)
When you give a kid a scholarship
To live away from home
Where kids are doing naughty stuff
The “scholar” says “when in Rome!”
And thus begins the dorm life,
Debauchery, and boozing,
Where pipes are not for water
And beds are not for snoozing,
Where you can study english,
Philosophy, or anthropology
But still spend evenings studying
The opposite sex’s biology.
Mom and Daddy pay for this,
So you can unguiltily be bad
And get a job at Wendy’s
While not getting shot by Wendy’s Dad.
All this pleasure comes to you
For only a few hundred K of loans,
So send your applications now!
(That or just play on your phones).
Filed under Poems
Too Soon?
You’ll remember me
When you smell the sun
On the earth between your toes
In the forest we
Explored as kids,
Where the tree we planted grows.
You’ll remember me
When the bulldogs win,
When you wear my number 9
When you see two kids
Sitting in the stands
Though the lights no longer shine.
You’ll remember me
When you hear our song,
The one I chose to sing
When I kneeled down
And I gave my voice
‘Cause I couldn’t buy a ring.
You’ll remember me
When our children smile
And ask you for a snack,
As you trim their crust
And recall that day,
When our baby hugged you back.
You’ll remember me
When the house we built
Is serene in Autumn’s glow,
When the snow comes down
And its quiet like
It was eighteen years ago.
You’ll remember me
As our thin white hair
Falls on our Yahtzee game.
You’ll remember this
And so much more
If you’ll just tell me your name.
Filed under Poems
Thar’s Lookin’ At The Bri’ Side!
I went to bed at midnight
And woke at 5:00 AM
Happy, peaceful, prepped to seize the day,
“But its early” I thought
And so I hatched a plot
To sleep a few more hours anyway.
Now its just about 11:00
And I’m achy, sick, and bored
Wondering what the heck went wrong.
Now I’ll get dumped and buy a gun
And call up Brooks and Dunn
And maybe this day can be a country song!
Filed under Poems
Aria for Happy Fools and Background Noise
Our lives are like a song
In a language we don’t know.
Our feet tap to the beat of the world
When we feel that special flow.
It starts out as a whisper
And builds into the cry
Of a baby with the will to sing
But no knowledge how or why.
It may turn many corners.
It changes every verse.
The song always gets better
Even if it may sound worse.
Some songs will stop too suddenly
And some go on too long.
Since we don’t know what we’re singing
Why care if something’s wrong?
You can sing however’s comfortable.
When all is said and sung
I hope I’m singing nonsense
‘Til I get my iron lung!
Plot Armor, Reality Edition (50% Off)
Wheresoever you should find
Yourself in trouble or a bind
Know that you will never fail
As the protagonist of your own tale.
The path of bullets shall amend
To prevent your untimely end.
Villains shall, when all is done,
See your point when you have won.
Love will find you in the dark.
Respect replaces scorn and snark.
And if instead you fail and fall…
No one minds, ’cause you weren’t the main character after all.
Filed under Poems
The Truly Special Snowflake
I’m walking through the winter sky,
A bit if H2O,
Uniquely changed by hardship to
A tiny flake of snow.
My life is but a moment long,
But soft and cool and free.
My heart will always be cold as ice
So yours won’t have to be.
The mighty citadels of clouds
Are signs of what I was,
But I don’t mind departing, for
It’s what a snowflake does
So a kid at the windowsill
Will see me, clear and bright
And now that for a while still
The world will be alright.
Filed under Poems
Egomaniacs Have Pronouns Too!
If you don’t want to hear
Someone say “him” or “her”
I’ll be okay
And I’ll probably say “sure.”
But why won’t you respect
My wishes when I
Ask to be referred to
As “thee most glorious and high?”
Filed under Poems
Shouldn’t We Be Celebrating Veteran’s Day By Now?
On the first day of Christmas
My true love gave to me
A holiday that lasted less than two months
That I didn’t have to hear or see.
Filed under Poems
Then It Said It’s Name Was “Officer Jenkins” And That I Was “Under Arrest”
I sat down one evening
On a recliner
When a voice unkindly arose.
“I’m not a chair”
Called the voice through the air,
From the recliner I suppose.
Now most times I sit
That’s basically it.
Seldom do seats tell me “no.”
So I just have to say
If stuff goes on this way
We must ask how far it will go!
Filed under Poems
