Yet another sign
That our publics schools suck ass:
They have a grading rubric
For a “creative writing” class.
Category Archives: Poems
That’s Almost As Many “Likes” As Teenagers Can Say In One Minute Without Even Trying
I’m 8 “Likes” away from 21,000
In the history of my blog.
My heart is very excited
And my soul is like a dog.
If 8 more people like my crap
I’ll finally achieve my goal
Of getting as many likes as a girl
Who posts dancing pics with a pole.
Filed under Poems, To the Reader
What Are Your Other Two Wishes?
“Prove that genies aren’t real!”
Demanded my stepbrother, Buzz.
“The greatest proof genies don’t exist
“Is that single-ply toilet paper still does.”
Filed under Poems
How To Get Six-Pack Abs In Five Days (Or Something)
When one has blogged as much as I
One comes to realize
A lot of the view’s one’s blog receives
Come not from human eyes
But from advertising robots
That search for stuff that’s trending
Like Biden, Bitcoin, Keto, Xbox,
And how the world is ending.
Make this go viral… I dare you : )
Filed under Poems
Or The Guy Who Watches Him, Or…
If you ever feel bored,
Like you know nothing new,
Just imagine the spy
Who’s whole job’s to watch you.
Filed under Poems
Please Confirm Password… Please!
Some people are scared of spiders,
Some people are scared of mice,
But everyone’s scared of making a password
And typing the same mistake twice.
Filed under Poems
What A Blessing To Be No One
Somebody is hurting now,
Hungry and alone.
Somebody is lonely
And addicted to a phone.
Somebody is nervous
Thinking they may be too small.
Somebody feels nothing
‘Cause they just don’t care at all.
Somebody is angry
At the world for being there.
Somebody is drowning,
Wanting nothing more than air.
Somebody’s forgotten
How to laugh and sing and dance.
Meanwhile, I am nobody
And grateful for the chance.
Filed under Poems
She Wants You Inside Her
The phrase “I want your baby”
Is sometimes super hot.
Mostly it depends if she’s
A cannibal or not.
Filed under Poems
Today’s Episode Of “Incompetent Leading Man Bailed Out By Quirky Minority Sidekick” Is Brought To You By…
Before your TV show resumes
Please watch this little ad
From a global corporation
To remind you that you’re bad.
And if our subtle message
Won’t subliminally take
Don’t worry. There are 14 more
In every single break.
Filed under Poems
This Poem Will Be Featured Tonight On CNN
In the future we will have peace
Just so long as we silence everyone
Who says we’re like Nazis
Because Nazis lost
And losing is for people who work
And have independent thought.
Also, Jews hurt the economy.
Filed under Poems
The Daily Travesty 