Tonight I have no topics
To write a poem about…
But will that stop me? Never!
I’m shocked you’d ever doubt!
No force of man or nature
Can stop me writing junk.
As big tech corporations say:
“It’s a feature, not a funk.”
In fact, when I’m inspired
I might settle for one stanza
About something that sounds funny
Like Swaziland or Lufthansa.
But today, despite my lack
Of anything resembling a point
I wrote a lengthy poem
And if you don’t like it, suck my groint.
Filed under Poems
Last time we were in the ’20s
People bought some stocks
And prices kept on rising
Until people lost their socks.
This time in the ’20s
The rich folks lost their cash
And anyone without five masks
Is summarily burnt to ash.
My guess is when the year becomes
2120
The dinosaurs will buy stocks too
And asteroids will say “hee hee!”
Filed under Poems
Why are classic songs just like,
“Songs just like,
“Songs just like?”
Why are classic songs just like
Repetitive and s**t?
Filed under Poems
He found the perfect woman
And he bought the perfect ring
And he planned a perfect marriage
For a perfect queen and king.
Together in the gardens
He knelt and asked, “Would you…?”
And she took a knee beside him
And they silently protested racial injustice in sports.
Filed under Poems
I want a furry turtle
That will snuggle me in bed
With a leopard-patterned belly
And a capybara’s head,
Thats softer than a kitten
And convenient as a fish
That’s 6-feet plus and makes $100k…
Is that too much to wish?
Filed under Poems
A B C D E F G
H I J K
L M N O
O O O’Reilly’s!
Auto parts!
Filed under Poems
I was sittin’ in my mitten’
Thinkin’ “How evil is money?”
Now I can’t stop the photoshop
And the web says, “Hey, that’s funny!”
Filed under Poems
Cheerleaders always turned me on
Since I was a boy of 10,
So when Biden got elected
I was delighted that CNN
And every major outlet
Of mainstream American news
Became unabashed cheerleaders
Shouting “Give us I, give us O, give us U’s!”
Filed under Poems
Remember Mandy the stripper?
The one who showed you her rear
Before she leaned in close to you
And whispered in your ear,
“You’re the one I’m dancing for,”
So you slip her 20 bucks?
That’s basically how the government works
And why I say it sucks.
Filed under Poems
There once was a Cheeto named Don
Whose power was soon to be gone.
At first he was miffed
But then Joe scratched and sniffed
So Don sighed and just said, “Carry on.”
Filed under Poems
The Daily Travesty 